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What, Where You Masturbate at UD Says About You

 

Horoscopes, sleeping positions, and even political affiliation are all thought to be good indicators as to the type of person you are. While the Internet claims that these things can determine your natural disposition, we think that habits of publicly masturbating on UD’s campus are a much more reliable source when it comes to telling you whether or not you’re an introverted pleasure-obsessed freak who has no friends.

 

6.) Walking Back From North Campus:

 

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If you tend to take care of yourself on your way to class or work, walking down the street or in the car, it indicates that you have multi-tasking personality. You are able to get many things done at once and have great time management skills.

 

5.) At Night After Your Roommate Falls Asleep:

 

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If you wait until after your roommate falls asleep at night, it shows that you are a considerate individual. You care about other people’s feelings and sense of personal space, but you’re also kinda boring and average because like, everyone does it at night. It’s likely that your life is feeling kind of empty right now. Try to spice it up by changing the time and place.

 

4.) Front Row in Willard Hall:

 

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Sometimes the professor just can’t hold your attention the way you can hold yourself. However while it might be amusing to you, be careful because it might be distracting to those around you. It kinda comes off like you’re not paying attention and don’t care about your grades, and the sounds it makes are really annoying to those who are trying to take traditional pen and paper notes. But reward yourself if you made it up those stairs.

 

3.) Trabant:

 

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Trabant is the perfect place to hang out in between classes, study, grab a bite to eat, and even masturbate. Masturbating and partaking in other activities (like pretending to study on your computer when you’re really just refreshing Facebook sixteen times a minute) in Trabant is a staple of life here at the University of Delaware. You’ll just be seen as a normal student utilizing the perks of the student centers.

 

2.) Central Perk:

 

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Nothing says that you’re spontaneous, fun, and sexually adventurous quite like pleasuring yourself in a public place. If you beat off right there on the first date, you’re likely an outgoing individual who isn’t afraid to try new things. It’s possible that this tactic will earn you a second date.

 

1.) In a Hammock:

 

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Letting it all hang out in a nice relaxed setting is a testament to your calm and mellow disposition. You’re the kind of person who has a test tomorrow and hasn’t studied but also isn’t really sweating it because your only priority right now is to finish that blunt and catch the next episode of SpongeBob.

 

Everyone does it, but not everyone limits themselves to simply just their shower or their bed. Where you masturbate can tell a lot about the kind of person that you are, so next time that you think you’ve found your “soulmate,” ask them a couple quick questions about their habits. It can make all the difference in the world between a successful marriage and a relationship in shambles

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