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Who Said It: Menists or Mennonites?

Ever since WB introduced the world to this bitch, feminism has continued to increase in popularity and awareness. With all this girl power becoming so prominent, men are becoming less and less empowered and, fearfully, slowly losing control over the world. But have no fear, for the Menists (who believe that men need a movement to protect their rights with the increase of this feminism nonsense) are here to save the day! Sadly, though, this movement isn’t picking up enough steam as it should be, due to the confusion that Menists are simply a branch of Mennonites who broke off from the main religion so they could disempower females even more (and possibly sacrifice them, but we may just be confusing that with a David Hookstead article). Contrary to popular belief, Menists and Mennonites are actually very different groups with very different beliefs. To exemplify this claim, below are a few quotes from either a Mennonite or a Menist. See if you can tell them apart!


Don’t like my neckbeard? #makemeasandwichMenist. Notice here the hashtag. This is a defining characteristic of a Menist, as Mennonites don’t typically use incredibly misogynistic hashtags to promote their ideology. 


Stop objectifying men. Real men have curvesMenist. This guy actually has a good point. Men need less body shaming just as much as females do. Woman’s suffrage wasn’t exactly fighting for the right for females to be able to go to the beach in a bikini regardless of their body shape as it was for equality for a disempowered group—but still, men should be as comfortable in their skin as women are. We’re kind of, sort of with you Markus.


How about you girls make a guy’s day for once? We enjoy cheap gifts tooMenist. Again, the tell-all sign of the menist quote is the whiny tone complaining about how unfair the world is for them. A Mennonite man, on the other hand, would consider “being a man in this world” reward enough. Mennonite dudes are simply thankful that being born with a doodle in society allows them to experience a less fear when walking home at night, can be paid more than women for the same amount of work, and can “have it all” without it seeming weird or looked down upon. Also, what/when is girl’s day?


“That all men may be saved, and that they may awaken in this acceptable time of grace from their deep sleep of sin;” – Mennonite (522;II:328). Not just any Mennonite, though—the founder of the Mennonites, Menno Simons. The definitive tell is the old timey language that looks like it’s been through Google translate a thousand times over. The focus on men being saved is a tricky one, but we can’t exactly blame the guy. That’s just how people talked in the 1500s before feminism and Buffy Summers.


Why do men have to spend our hard earned money on dates, why can we get asked out, picked up and fed… I like free food too. –Menist. Obviously a Menist! Notice the modicum of historical knowledge that is apparent in this quote. This guy is completely unaware that women did not have money or a way to fend for themselves other than to marry a nice rich man way back when. And if anyone has ever read “The Lottery”, then they know how hard it is for traditions to die out. Why do you think the U.S. hasn’t switched over to the Metric system yet?


“We seek from our whole heart nothing but that we may affect the salvation of all mankind” –Yeah, it’s Menno Man (455; II:255). Again with his focus on the salvation of men. The male to female ratio in Heaven has got to be awful. Any good party host knows the importance of a perfect male to female ratio. That’s why it’s easier for girls to get into parties brah! Speaking of which…


“Why can’t men ever get in the club free?”Menist. Hopefully by now you were able to tell by the complete ignorance and whininess of the quote. Because the problem that is being complained about was created by men in the first place, so it seems somewhat detrimental to the Menist cause to blame the gender they are trying to blame for the problems the gender faces. It’s simply poor campaigning. Perhaps it’s the same guy who helped with Dan Quayle’s campaign.


“Know my power!”Meta knight. Little known fact is that the Kirby villain/ally actually has no affiliation with the Mennonite church whatsoever. It just sounds like he does. Or are we the only one that thinks that?

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