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Your Love/Hate Relationship with Thanksgiving

Getting excited for Thanksgiving break, aye? How much of a break is it, really?


If you count one day as a break, then sure. Have Fun. Enjoy your one extra day off for Thanksgiving… a national holiday. (Saturday and Sunday are just another weekend; so if you count them as a break you’re an idiot, and you’ve been doing college wrong.) Similarly, half of campus doesn’t have/skips their one discussion on Friday, so it’s always a day off too.


That just leaves one day. Thursday. T.G.T.I.T: Thank God Thanksgiving is Thursday.


Oh, but don’t forget to do your take home quiz, write both of those papers that are due Sunday night, and finish that extended problem set. Your teachers were right—with this extra-long break you’ll have tons of free time, to focus more on school. How’s that time off going for you now?


On the plus side, you get to see your family. Catching up with ma, pop, and all the excitement of suburban life. Can you believe Lynda thinks it’s ok to put her dog outside without a leash? And heaven forbid the Carter’s cut their lawn one more time without using the mulching attachment for leaves. Blasphemy! The whole neighborhood’s just gone to hell. And, oh the fun you’ll have seeing your little brother… until you remember what a little shit he is.


More on the negative side, you have to see ALL of your family. Your pretentious uncle will undoubtedly ask you about your major again, although he knows it hasn’t changed. The look of disgust on his face when you answer anything other than investment banking. The excitement your cousin Judy finds in telling you she graduated in only 3 years… the parallel excitement you feel when you ask her how the job hunt is going. Moral of the story: SHUT UP, JUDY, EVERYONE HATES YOU.


Of course being at home also means FREE LAUNDRY! (Possibly your only reason for going home ever.) And play your cards right and you might just convince your mom to get you clothes at Black Friday. A new winter coat and boots, perhaps? Let’s face it, mom, it’s only getting colder out there—how will I make it to the Library… or the KK? Chances are, she won’t end up caring, and you’ll be stuck rocking that windbreaker you got in the 5th grade that somehow still fits you—maybe you were a fat 10-year-old or something. 


But there’s other little things that improve your life that your parents may be more inclined to fund. You can finally get that much needed haircut. Additionally, Thanksgiving is an excellent opportunity to loot your parents’ cupboards and stock up on everything you’ll need for a successful finals week. Like coffee, pasta, beer, canned soup, wine, milk, NyQuil, mac and cheese, more beer, Hot Pockets, gin, eggs, whisky, more beer, fruit snacks, all other natural/synthetic study enhancers, and bread—bonus if your parents have some Adderall in there too. You know, just all the essentials.


But then as you’re filling your bookbag with almost-expired Advil, grandma will ask you when you’re going to bring a nice girl/boy home for Thanksgiving. When you have no idea how to answer, your grandfather will question your sexuality. Your aunt will ask you your size because she wants to get you clothes for the holidays. You’ll say, “Medium.” And she’ll say, “I’ll go with large, just in case,” as she glares at the slice of cake you’re eating. Oh good times!


But there is still one thing to be excited about on Thanksgiving: The endless amounts of food you’ll consume.


Turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, cranberry sauce, carrots, pumpkin pie, cherry pie, blueberry pie, cake, chocolate cake, and cookies. And if your grandma is a fan of it, then you’ll also get: ham, roast beef, a pork chop, fried chicken, maybe some meatloaf, something with cheese on/in it, soup, a salad, and something that looks like… pineapple? As much as they’re awful, it’s time to be thankful for family and food. All the while constantly dropping not-so-subtle hints about that new laptop you need for next semester.

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