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Campus Life
A List of Demands On Behalf of the UCSB Student Body to Donald Trump
Dear President-Elect Trump, A few days ago we all realized you’re actually going to be inaugurated...
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Campus Life
5 Less Painful Things To Do Around UCSB Than Going To Your Boring Ass Lecture
Lecture is the student’s supposed natural habitat, but it’s the worst habitat. As soon as you’re in,...
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Campus Life
Catalina Freshman Brings Literally All Belongings Back From Break to Protest Tiny Ass Rooms
As the season begins for raiding parents’ houses after winter break, one UCSB freshman reportedly brought...
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Campus Life
All 3 UCSB College Republicans Disappointed Their Gay, Woman Hating Provocateur Prince Can’t Come Rub Off on Them
UC Santa Barbara College Republicans — all three of them — spilled tears of sadness today...
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UC Santa Barbara
7 Things About IV You Probably Forgot About During Break
Some people just can’t remember anything. Partial derivatives, their dog’s birthday, their penis length, nothing. These...
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Booze
New Year, Fat You: What To Expect Now That You’re a UCSB Chubbo
Welcome back to school! And also a big, warm, caloric welcome to those new extra pounds...
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Campus Life
UCSB Netflix: The IV Shows You Can’t Miss This Spring
Because of an excess of profits in the fall of 2016, UCSB will be unveiling...
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UC Santa Barbara
Masturbating During Finals Week: A How-To Guide
As people flock to the library for finals week, many are left without a quiet place...
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UC Santa Barbara
6 Ways UCSB Could Improve Dead Week Without Actually Killing Anyone
Recently we learned that even though it’s called dead week, no one actually dies. While this probably...
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UC Santa Barbara
7 Things to Say to Cute UCSB Boys Walking Across Campus
You don’t know his name, his astrological sign, or anything about him really, but he is...
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Quiz: Which UCSB Dining Commons Are YOU?
You can tell a whole lot about someone from the Dining Hall they frequent. But are you...
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QUIZ: Which Menial UCSB Campus Job Should You Apply For?
Are you hurting for some beer money? Did you run out of paid studies to take...
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7 Reasons to Be Thankful You Don’t Go to Cal Poly
1000 years ago, on the very first Thanksgiving Day, the pilgrims held a feast with some...
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The 5 Easiest Classes at UCSB to Slurp Your Way to an A
Everyone’s heard the rumors, and unless you’re lame, you’ve had a few friends do it themselves....
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A Definitive Ranking of UCSB Dorms (by Height)
If you have ever wondered which dorm at UCSB is the tallest, or which dorm at...
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The Judgmental Map of San Jose, California
Since San Jose is the third largest city in California (take that, San Francisco!) there are...
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Ranking UCSB Frats by How Sweaty Their Parties Are
Everybody knows UCSB as a top-tier party school, but how often do we give thanks to...
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Ranking The UCSB Res Halls Based On RA Hotness
UCSB is well known for how attractive its students are. In fact, a recent study conducted...
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The Official UCSB Res Hall Ranking by Litness
Students have long debated which of the dorms offers the best accommodations – be it based...
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REPORT CARD: Grading the Best Places to Have Sex in Public at UCSB
Thanks to a spirited effort from the Chancellor’s office to put together this handy how-to guide,...