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Satire
UCSB Study Abroad Office Flooded with Requests to “Literally Anywhere”
As a result of Donald Trump’s impending presidency and one of the wildest election cycles most...
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UC Santa Barbara
Rap Lyrics That Perfectly Describe Fall 2016 at UCSB
Rappers just can’t seem to stop rapping about the University of California, Santa Barbara. Everyday, rappers...
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Campus Life
Cubs Fans Waited 108 Years for World Series Win, But I’m Still Waiting for My SBMenus Order
Wow. It finally happened. The Cubs of Chicago have taken home baseball’s biggest prize: a...
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UC Santa Barbara
Where to Find Inspiration in Isla Vista
Not all are born with oodles and oodles of consistent creativity. Creativity for some is like...
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UC Santa Barbara
7 Things You’ll Do for The First Time When You Live in IV
Doing your own laundry for the first time, budgeting your own meal spending, and drinking coconut...
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UC Santa Barbara
OPINION: YG Was So Good He Blew My Dick and Balls Clean Off
Wow! What a year to be a Gaucho! First we tie with Cal Poly in...
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UC Santa Barbara
7 Ways to Celebrate a Goal Against SLO Without Getting Naked
Each year UCSB and Cal Poly play a soccer game at Harder Stadium, and each year...
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UC Santa Barbara
WHY IS WALKING ON UCSB’S CAMPUS SO HARD?
If you’re an avid UCSB campus-walker, then you’ll be fluent in the weird things that...
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Campus Life
Second Debate Hot Take: Clinton is a Piece of Undercooked Pasta And Trump is a Small, Dusty, Nipple Clamp
After watching the presidential town hall debate, I am reminded of something my father used...
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UC Santa Barbara
The Most Interesting Man At UCSB
Jaq Johnsen is in four fraternities. He lives on Trigo but has an ocean view from...
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Quiz: Which UCSB Dining Commons Are YOU?
You can tell a whole lot about someone from the Dining Hall they frequent. But are you...
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QUIZ: Which Menial UCSB Campus Job Should You Apply For?
Are you hurting for some beer money? Did you run out of paid studies to take...
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Ranking The UCSB Res Halls Based On RA Hotness
UCSB is well known for how attractive its students are. In fact, a recent study conducted...
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A Definitive Ranking of UCSB Dorms (by Height)
If you have ever wondered which dorm at UCSB is the tallest, or which dorm at...
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The Judgmental Map of San Jose, California
Since San Jose is the third largest city in California (take that, San Francisco!) there are...
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7 Reasons to Be Thankful You Don’t Go to Cal Poly
1000 years ago, on the very first Thanksgiving Day, the pilgrims held a feast with some...
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The 5 Easiest Classes at UCSB to Slurp Your Way to an A
Everyone’s heard the rumors, and unless you’re lame, you’ve had a few friends do it themselves....
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REPORT CARD: Grading the Best Places to Have Sex in Public at UCSB
Thanks to a spirited effort from the Chancellor’s office to put together this handy how-to guide,...
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The Official UCSB Res Hall Ranking by Litness
Students have long debated which of the dorms offers the best accommodations – be it based...
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5 Awkward Encounters Everyone Has With Their Dealer at UCSB
Everyone has had weird run-ins with their dealer. Maybe you crossed paths while you were showing...