Knight’s Pub is the crème de la crème of nasty college bars: frat guys in polo shirts, freshmen girls with no self-respect, and just regular UCF students who have hit rock bottom. On at typical night out at Pub, here are the ten items you’re most likely to step on.
10.) Fake IDs:
As you first walk up, you find a trail of rejected fake IDs. Rebecca and Johnny’s are laughably bad, but Albert’s was just a piece of card board with ‘Age: 21’ written in Sharpie.
9.) A COM 1000 syllabus:
Upon further inspection, you see that the class meets at 9 a.m. the next morning. You send up a silent prayer for its owner, but you know it’s probably a hopeless case. There’s no way they’re making it.
8.) Wooden frat letter:
You immediately recognize it as the ‘A’ usually positioned in the front yard of ATO’s house. How the hell someone snuck it in is beyond you. Several drunk people have tripped over it and are down for the count. Just try not to get splinters from it as you dance.
7.) A bloodied UF t-shirt:
Maybe some friendly, unassuming guy from UF visited. Or maybe some freshman got bored and wanted to start a fight. Either way, it didn’t end well for the Gator fan. You make a mental note to stock up on more UCF gear in the future.
6.) An outdated financial aid pamphlet:
It’s from 2004. The tuition prices alone make you tear up. You pass it around your friends like an ancient relic, oohing and ahhing.
5.) “Do u like me yes or no circle one” note:
You find it on the bar counter. The “no” is circled. You see a few tear stains at the bottom of the note. Aw. Young love.
On the stairs, in the bathroom, on the dance floor, on the tables. Everywhere you look there are signs of freshmen girls discovering their limits. Make sure to always watch where you walk in Pub so you don’t slip on any of those “limits”. The staff doesn’t exactly put up wet floor signs for you.
Sometimes Knightro parties too hard after particularly rough football games. Best to just leave some Ibuprofen and water next to him and he’ll walk himself back to the Union in the morning, no doubt filled with shame and regret.
2.) Spirit Splash Duck:
Deflated and no longer yellow, you can’t help but think about all the lives lost for this little duck. You still pocket it though, thinking that you can probably sell it for at least twenty bucks online.
1.) Broken hopes and dreams:
Oh, wait. Those are yours.
Moral of the story is never wear open-toed shoes to Pub. Other moral of the story is if you’re going to party irresponsibly, you should do it at Knight’s Pub, UCF’s pride and joy. And hey, look on the bright side: at least you didn’t go to the library.