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5 Conspiracy Theories That Might Explain Why UCF Is Still Under F*cking Construction

Every Knight knows that UCF actually stands for Under Construction Forever. UCF is home of the Knights, and home of the campus that has been under construction more or less since it opened. So why the hell can’t they finish the inconvenient construction they started 3 years ago? We have pretty good ideas as to why UCF is probably, definitely, actually going to be under construction forever.

5.) UCF accidentally lost money in a poker match against USF:
The most reasonable and logical reason as to why UCF will be under construction forever is due to the fact that the officials have a major gambling problem. UCF is always trying to one-up USF, poker chips included. Gambling problem aside, President Hitt and President Genshaft used to have a thing, so it only makes sense that they have some tension over some plastic chips.

4.) Construction workers focused too much on Huey Magoo’s:
Apparently cheap chicken strips and french fries are in such high demand that it was causing too much of a ruckus in the Student Union, causing UCF to relocate it. They thought it was best to close off the wall and move the entrance outside of the Union, but why though?? They spent all their time and OUR money to have a wall put in, which is clearly way more important than finishing a building that’s been in the works for 3 years.

3.) They spent too much money on random shit we don’t need and now they’re in debt:
Whoever is in charge on UCF’s finances somehow thinks it’s necessary to have 3 Starbucks locations, a Dunkin’ Donuts, and 3 other random coffee places too. Yes, those are essential, but maybe they should finish what’s more important, like a random half-built building that’s just sitting there. College students need coffee, but they also need classrooms to go cash in the billion dollars they spend on tuition.

2.) Administrators like to create obstacle courses to force us to work out:
We lied in that top one, this is actually the most logical reason as to why UCF will be under construction forever. President Hitt believes that Freshman 15 is getting a little (or a lot) out of hand. He has strategically placed in-progress, uncompleted construction sites around campus to give students a better workout routine. No access to sidewalks you ask? That’s to force students to take longer, alternative routes to make a 5-minute walk into a 30-minute walk.

1.) They are just too lazy to pay the construction workers:
Like college students, UCF officials are lazy and like to procrastinate too. They have a hard life working in their offices all day, probably eating Ramen and watching The Office. Paying construction workers to actually finish their jobs just takes too much effort and sometimes they probably don’t feel like it. Instead, they put off paying them until the construction actually needs to be done, which is apparently never.

Next time you’re walking on campus and find yourself wondering, “Will that new building ever be done being built?”, the answer is no. There will be thousands of UCF students passing the same unfinished construction site for years. The 5 years that you attend UCF you might never see a finished building, and that’s because UCF is under construction forever.

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