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5 Survival Tips for UCF Midterms


It’s that time of year, folks. The happy memories of syllabus week are just that and each day brings a new paper, project, or exam to prepare for. Rather than curling up in fetal position on your living room floor and weirding all your roommates out, here are some survival tips to ensure you stay, more or less, sane during midterms.


5.) Go through the five stages of grief at the UCF library:
Walk into the library feeling optimistic and determined. Stand in line at the cafe for a solid twenty-five minutes just to obtain a large, lukewarm Caramel Macchiato. Search for an empty couch with a charger near it. Realize this is a pointless endeavor. Find an empty group study room and get kicked out within minutes by the group who actually had the foresight to reserve the room. Head up to the 4th floor. No one here is even moving. Are they breathing? Finally come across an empty cubicle. Realize you have to pee. Gather up all your items. Go relieve yourself. Return. Your desk has been taken by a freshman boy playing League of Legends. Storm out of the library, vowing never to return. Rinse and repeat.


4.) Attempt to be the kind of person who can do yoga:
The low lighting, gentle music, and instructor’s soothing voice will propel you into a different world where Chemistry exams don’t exist and you didn’t just scream your lungs out at someone for stealing your spot in Garage H. You’ll begin to feel better…until you remember that discussion board post you forgot to do last night. And then you realize that everyone in the room is better-looking than you because they actually come to the gym more than once a semester. And then you’ll remember that there’ll probably be a huge line of cars leaving H at the same time you are. You know, maybe kickboxing is a better idea….



3.) Stress eat your way to diabetes:
Even though half the Student Union is now a scary white wall with loud noises behind it, UCF has still made sure there are lots of options to continue raising your cholesterol and calorie count! Stand in line for forty-five minutes for a Qdoba burrito the size of your head or buy a dozen Insomnia Cookies for yourself because life is meaningless and you have 3 papers and a project due by midnight. This is the only time of year you won’t get judged for having Jimmy John’s delivered straight to All Knight Study, so take advantage.


2.) Start to really lose it:
The signs of losing it are subtle. You might be waiting in line for Huey Magoo’s for a while before realizing it’s just the Guest Services desk at the Union and the Magoo has been dead for ages. You may wake up to math equations written in black Sharpie on your arms. You may look into the Reflection Pond and realize you have no reflection. Embrace the madness, and then maybe go take a nap.


1.) Give up and finally just say “Fuck It”:
You’re probably going to fail anyways so just give up and drown your sorrows at Pub like the gremlin you are.


If all else fails, just imagine having to stay here an extra semester and continue dealing with the parking situation. The fear and rage should provide the proper motivation for your all-nighters.




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