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5 Things That Lasted Longer Than the Universal Knights Ticket Distribution

SGA decided to fix a system that wasn’t broken by having the ticket distribution online this year, which made many students miss an opportunity to get tickets due to technical errors. The site went up at 4 p.m. and by 5 p.m. most students couldn’t get tickets. Here are 5 things that lasted longer than this year’s ticket distribution.

5.) UCF’s blackout:
Remember that time when UCF’s main campus completely blacked out? You know, that time where students were going crazy with fear that they wouldn’t be able to turn their assignments in on time or that their food was going to spoil? The one where students living on campus had to just cry in the dark because living on campus means that you aren’t allowed to have candles? Well, that power outage lasted from approximately 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. making it about an hour longer than the time it took for tickets to run out. Amazing.

4.) The time it takes for the smell of manure to leave campus:
If you’re one of the few unfortunate souls that had the displeasure of breathing in the smell of manure after it’s sprayed on the campus’ plants, you know that this smell isn’t gone quickly, and you sometimes feel like you can still smell it for weeks. It’s the smell that makes you reconsider setting your hammock up outside. Welcome to UCF, where you’ll have trouble getting tickets to an event your tuition helps pay but no problem inhaling the smell of shit for days.

3.) The time it took for Huey Magoo’s to be shut down and then reopened:
Due to health code violations, UCF announced that Huey Magoo’s would be permanently shut down which lasted all about six months until the school decided to reinstate the restaurant. UCF made sure to deprive their students of the goodness that is Huey Magoo’s for nearly half a year, but they couldn’t make sure that ticket distribution was open for at least one full day? These priorities don’t seem unbalanced at all!

2.) The time it’s taking for them to fix the reflection pond:
While we all naively hope that the reflection pond will be fixed this semester’s graduation, we should also confront the fear that many graduates will have to take their photos in a less pretty part of campus because UCF is taking forever to fix one of the campus’ main attraction. This too, in fact, has obviously lasted longer than the time that it took for the tickets to run out. Sorry seniors, not only will you probably have ugly graduation photos that will last forever, you might have also missed out on your chance to go to Universal Knights one last time due to a technical fluke.

1.) The time it took for that black bear to leave campus:
Remember when that black was spotted near Knights Plaza? Even though it didn’t say long enough for anyone to ask what he was majoring in, the bear certainly lingered on campus longer than the time that it took to get tickets. Sure, we have to watch out for bears for hours, but can’t get a ticket after one. Makes sense.

We all knew not having to spend an hour sweating and standing in line was just too good to be true. Now your path is clear: mercilessly harass every single theme park employee you know for comp tickets. After they get offended due to the inflated sense of power their theme park benefits have instilled in them, maybe try to accept the idea that theme parks are nothing but bloodsucking corporations that feed off overpriced tickets, food, and merchandise. Or just join the hordes and beg for a ticket on Facebook.





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