Every university has its own “normal.” But, at the largest and most diverse campus in the country, we’re bound to see some weird sh*t. Friendly reminder that, yeah, this stuff isn’t normal.
6.) Committing Murder for a Rubber Duck:
Brother turns against brother during Spirit Splash. Friends, lovers, family members…all bets are off in that big, slimy fountain. All that Homecoming sentimentality vanishes as the event becomes a fight to the death, despite the fact that everyone will just sell their ducks online the next day anyway. Fingers crossed for a casualty-free year, but we’ll ducking see.
5.) Waiting Hours for Starbucks:
You’ve already missed your 9 a.m. lecture. All you wanted was your Venti Iced Caramel Macchiato. The line is backed up to the CFE Arena, but it’s too late to quit now. There’s no turning back. You don’t know if you can make it. Trembling, you call your mother to tell her you love her.
4.) Singing Kumbaya Together During the 3 p.m. Thunderstorm:
A sudden torrential downpour begins. Students rush under awnings and huddle together like refugees. There’s a beautiful, unspoken kinship there. The rain stops after a moment and the spell is broken. They part ways, somehow different than they were before.
3.) Mickey Mouse Everywhere:
Disney and Universal apparel galore. It’s like your classmates only buy clothing from that gift shop with the huge wizard on US-192. If you ever wondered whether that girl in the front row of your Intro to Communication class was a Gryffindor or not…well, now you know.
2.) Those Horrifying Abortion Pictures:
It’s a calm day on campus…until you see them in the distance. As you get closer, you see students vomiting their freshly-eaten Qdoba. A girl passes out in the middle of the breezeway. You decide to go the long way, escaping with your innocence still intact.
1.) The “Can I Drive You to Your Spot?”:
Nothing is more UCF than an awkward ride with a stranger just so that they can take your parking spot. Bonus points if your majors are totally unrelated so you have to resort to talking about the parking situation or the weather.
Don’t be bummed out about going to Florida’s #1 safety school. Next time your high school friend from UF brags about their school, just know that yours will forever be weirder and more terrifying than they’ll ever know.