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5 Baseless Conspiracy Theories Behind The John C. Hitt Library Extension

Change is something that all college kids despise, and small changes in schedules can send even the most hardened senior into a depression-fueled Netflix binge session. So when students come back to UCF for the fall and realize there’s a new extension to the library, students want answers. And when we don’t have answers, we resort to baseless conspiracy theories like these: 

5.) Extraterrestrial safe haven:
Prepare your tin foil hats and scavenge the internet for places that you can stream that weird Mel Gibson movie where a super soaker could wipe out an entire alien army, because there could be aliens walking amongst students at UCF. Some students believe that the extension will be used as a safe haven for extraterrestrial beings that have made contact with UCF’s astrology department. Regardless of how crazy this sounds, it’s hard to argue that it would be dope to kick back a PBR with an alien and ask them how famously large Drax the Destroyer’s turds really are.

4.) A secret occult meeting place:
Hidden deep in the bowels of Hitt Library, a small occult-like group of students meet. Dedicated to nothing but reading and the Dewey Decimal System, their only goal is to steal every job spec right out from under your nose. So enjoy smoking weed all day and telling yourself that C’s get degrees because if this one is true, all you’ll be left with once you graduate is a one-way ticket back to cracking open a few cold ones with the boys in your local Walmart parking lot.

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3.) Under Construction Forever:
Do you like attending classes in a construction zone? Do you find the sights of cranes and construction workers chain smoking cigarettes more appealing than a bunch of bullshit nature? Well then UCF is the school for you. Referred to by most as “Under Construction Forever,” UCF  literally always has construction going on in some form or another. Does the library really need a renovation, or are we just keeping up for reputation?

2.) Citric impotence:
If you’ve ever spent an all nighter in the library, you already know weird stuff goes on in there, and not just the couple that’s dry humping in the corner because they confused silence with privacy. No, weird paranormal shit. Supposedly while laying the foundation for the new extension of the library, the body of the original mascot, Citronaut, was recovered. It’s now rumored that anyone who has the audacity to perform such lewd acts will be cursed with impotence until the action is rectified. So unless you want to take that little blue pill when you’re feeling lucky, you should probably avoid study dates in the library.

1.) Just a normal library:
Astonishingly, the most popular belief amongst students is that the library is simply being added on to for more space. But really, how many students actually use the library, and why would they simply need more space?

All things considered, the students will probably never know why the library was extended but it does make a person think. Is there really something they aren’t telling us, or have we all just been spending too much time on Reddit?

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