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We Figured it Out! The Construction at the Spectrum is for a Sex Dungeon!

Among the confusion of construction around campus, one building in the works is anticipated to be a favorite of the Knight community. The Spectrum Sex Dungeon, sponsored by the university’s broadcasting partner, is expected to be open for business in Spring of 2018.

This new addition to UCF’s already growing campus is expected to become a hub of community interaction. The facility will offer a massive cave-like colosseum where Knights can indulge in their most private and shameful fantasies; or, for the more voyeuristic participant, observe from the sidelines.

“I think it’s a great idea. There’s so much pent up tension across campus that I think could be channeled in a really unique way,” Dr. Marvin Goodfellow, a lecturer in the Adult Film Production program at UCF, said.

Aramark, the evil company that owns ’63 South and John C. Hitt’s soul, have stricken a deal to open a Starbucks and a Kyoto in the main lobby of the large scale structure.

“What we’ve done is taken the primitive concept of the village-campfire orgy practiced by our ancient ancestors and adapted it to a new mold that integrates technology and a more modern feel to the whole thing,” architect Bruno Von Hugendome said of the building’s contemporary design.

Along with a reported 75 televisions to be installed throughout the varied dungeons, the building’s future manager, Herbert Finkleton, has announced that a variety of pornographic films will be constantly playing on all screens, similar to the RWC; straight, gay, white, black, green, you name it.

Along with the master chamber, the building will host various other themed rooms that can be reserved at no cost to UCF students, faculty, and staff; some of the themes include: Feudal Japanese bath-house; a leather-strapped- German-underground-dominatrix room; a mystical forests with accompanying Elf and Warlock costumes; and an anti-gravity room for an experience that could described as “out of this world.”

“This is great for guys like me. I mean, when I go to the bars, you know, putting the worm out for a catch, I always go home empty handed,” Jimmy Rogers, freshman Women’s Studies student said, hopeful about his prospects in a new playing field.

Naturally, noise has become a point of concern for those who work and live around campus. But to those worriers, rest easy, for Spectrum paid a hefty sum to reinforce the building with double-sound-proof padding to muffle the orchestra of screams and grunts expected to reach ear-bleeding levels during rush hour.

The only restrictions to have been stated thus far include: no use of black-lights on the dungeon premises; all members must wear protection (helmet and knee pads at all times, as required by UCF’s newly updated Golden Rule Book); and, anyone wishing to perform anything other than traditional (Church-approved) coitus, must fill out a separate consent form.

But these will be minor hurdles for the sex-crazed parade to arrive on opening day, foaming at the mouth – and the zipper, if you want to picture that. From with the wisdom of Nike, “just do it.”

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