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Student Union Events Keep Getting Weirder: Knightro Cage Match Scheduled


As if there wasn’t already enough crazy shit going on on campus, it seems like every week there’s something new happening in the Student Union. And they keep upping the ante and getting weirder and weirder.

According to the Student Union website, it’s known as the “Heart of Campus,” although no one actually refers to it as that. It’s really just the loudest place on campus, and most just use it as a glorified, air-conditioned walkway on the way to the other side of campus, a nice respite from the hot Florida air, or a place to wait in line for Qdoba while secretly wishing it was a Chipotle. Yet there’s constantly some sort of event that aches to involve students in some ridiculous activity or event in the middle of the floor.

Usually, we just hurdle our way across whatever’s taking up room in the middle of the Student Union whether it be a “Pumpkin Palooza,” arts and crafts, or some weird, gigantic Instagram mosaic. This time, though, the Student Union has outdone itself.

The khaki-clad employees have orchestrated the Student Union event of the century: in honor of the upcoming football game, the UConn Huskies vs. our UCF Knights, our beloved Knightro will be facing an actual, living, breathing, Siberian husky in the ring for all to see. Finally taking advantage of the circular architecture of the Heart of Campus, the Student Union will transform into a scene outta the WWE with a steel cage match that sounds absolutely badass: Knightro fighting a fuckin’ dog in a steel cage match.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not just turning up the volume on my headphones and avoiding eye contact with the organizers for this one. I’m stickin’ around to see how effective that golden armor really is.

But I have no doubt in my mind that Knightro will indeed prevail over the husky.



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