You’ve said goodbye to Mom and Dad, decorated your Lake Claire cubicle, and made awkward small talk with your new roommate. You think you’ve got this. But what you don’t know is that soon you’ll be doing a lot of very dumb things. Freshman Knights, read this list of common mistakes to avoid making them. Senior Knights, read this to reminisce on making all of them.
5.) Liking Lazy Moon Too Much:
Your quiet hometown never prepared you to encounter pizzas the size of small children. As soon as freshman Knights visit Lazy Moon for the first time, they all lose their goddamn minds. Keep it to a maximum of one visit a day and the diabetes might not kill you until senior year.
4.) Liking Pub…At All:
Believing that Knight’s Pub is the height of UCF culture is the #1 sign you’re a freshman. You’ll get all gussied up, throw on some cologne or some heels, and then walk in only to realize it’s the grossest place you’ve ever been. In a year or two, you’ll discover downtown and learn that not all bars smell like vomit and broken dreams.
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3.) Paying for Things:
For the love of God, don’t pay for anything, ever. You can print pages for free, get Scantrons for free, and you can even get free food at Knight’s Pantry. The pain in a senior’s eyes as they watch a freshman print their 16-page research paper at the library is haunting. Fight the man. Beat the system. No need to pay for college at all…unless you didn’t get a Bright Futures scholarship. Too soon?
2.) Hitting on Your O-Team Leader:
Nothing is more cringe-inducing than watching a freshman at Orientation hit on a seasoned, dead-in-the-eyes O-Teamer. A freshman thinking they’ve got game when their mom and dad drove them here is just sad. Save yourself the humiliation of seeing your O-Teamer on campus and just act shy and awkward like the rest of your orientation group.
1.) Sealing Your Fate:
If you step on the seal in the Union, the floor opens up and becomes a portal straight to Hell (otherwise known as USF.) You instantly become Public Enemy #1, fail all your classes, and your parents will also disown you. So just don’t do it.
If you’ve already made these mistakes, no need to get your lanyard in a bunch. We’ve all been there and lived to tell the tale. Just remember that Knightro will always be there with open arms to hug the shame away.
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