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UCF Golf Cart Nearly Misses at Least 10,000 Students Today – A New Record!

All University of Central Florida students have had that almost collision, whether it be with a biker, a car, or in more likely cases, a golf cart. From the reflective Lake Claire to the always bustling Millican Hall, students have claimed to see at least 500 in passing. Because of the school’s massive size, most faculty members choose the golf cart as their means of transportation.

Though the student population is extremely large here in good ole Central Florida, the golf cart population is higher. Rumors say, instead of a Student-Teacher ratio, they are adding a Student-Golf Cart driver to the prospective Knight’s discretion.

Whether you’re on your way to Nicholson School of Communications (at the corner of Never-ending Construction Boulevard and the Killer Crosswalk of Doom), or just chilling on Memory Mall, there will always be zooming deathtraps with the UCF logo emblazoned on the side sneaking up on you. Maybe it’s 10 points per student, maybe they really just don’t care. But the bottom line is that life as a UCF student means watching out for golf cart drivers gone rogue.

Students can’t even text and walk, just to be extra cautious around said drivers. Along with the recent lowest recorded injuries of UCF bikers, this news is monumental to our school’s history. Students really enjoy playing a live-action Frogger just to get from Starbucks to Classroom Building II. It really brings back a sense of childhood nostalgia. Maybe the obstacles aren’t the same as Frogger, but it’s still the same concept, right?

Though the golf carts are helpful for getting students from Lake Claire to the Gold Building of Millican Hall, the sidewalks are busy enough with long boarders wiping out every turn (no offense, brah, we, like, totally know you board on the daily, dude).

Thankfully, we have the Breezeway and the Student Union that are strictly foot traffic solely, because without that, UCF Knights would be dodging and diving around hurtling golf carts after their afternoon Anthro class, when their minds are too busy trying to process what the fuck just happened for the last hour and a half.

A trusted source tells our writers the UCF curriculum coordinators are adding a new section to that dreaded GenEd chart, under which are two new mandatory safety courses along with the optional “How the Hell do I Get Around Campus Without a Detour or a Near Death Experience?” Sources also say they are definitely GPA boosters because God knows we need them.

 

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