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The Ultimate Spirit Splash Survival Guide

 

It’s that time of year—no, not the magical kind. The “let’s all get together in a giant crowd, and maybe trample or drown each other accidentally over a themed rubber duck” time of year. That’s right: it’s Spirit Splash, bitches. Get your crew, get your swimsuit, and protective gear because this event is something you must prepare for. Read up on the caution, follow the do’s and don’ts and prepare to most likely not get a duck.

 

The Do’s:
1.) Do get a group:
Make a Tinder and swipe right on every big dude you find. Recruit your duck-snatchers. Train like it’s CrossFit, and remember HIGH KNEES. Practice the arrow formation (big guy in the front, his friends covering you on the sides, and a bunch of friends trailing behind them) to get to the fountain/stage area as quickly as possible.

 

2.) Do bring a towel:
and extra set of clothes. Accept that you will get wet. Embrace it.


3.) Do get there early:

They usually hand out those coveted shirts an hour before, and you need to secure a good spot. Get there and prepare for battle.

 

4.) Do wear closed toed shoes you do not mind getting wet:
Wet shoes are annoying, but dank ass feet that are scratched up and stepped on are more annoying.

 

5.) Do hold your arms up:
If you’re tall you can snatch them duckies mid-air.

 

6.) Do look down:
Because the rubber duckies like to float.

7.) Do take out a life insurance policy:
In case you don’t make it.

 

 

The Don’ts:

1.) Don’t stand in front of a giant group:
Particularly if you A.) aren’t fast, or B.) aren’t big. You will get pushed. You will get trampled. Your young lion son will mourn your death.

 

2.) Don’t bring your phone: 
You think you won’t drop it in the water. That’s your ego talking. You will.

 

3.) Don’t swallow the water: 
The strange illness people get from drinking the Reflection Pond water is just natural selection at that point.

 

4.) Don’t just jump into the pond:
That water is deeper than it looks. Most people fall when they first jump in, which sucks. You’ll get left by your group, you’ll bust your ass, and you will likely be in pain because the Reflection Pond floor is a lot rougher than you’d expect.

 

5.) Don’t get separated from your group:
Finding them will be like finding a parking spot in the beginning of fall semester: it likely won’t happen.  

 

6.) Don’t just hold your duck in your hand:
If by some miracle your get one, hide that shit, bury it in your shirt, or better yet get out of the water.

 

There are significantly less ducks than there are people. Imagine Spirit Splash like a game of Pac Man. You’re Pacman, the dots are the people who want a duck, the ghosts are the people bigger than your and the random fruits are the ducks. You’re gonna get wet, you’re probably gonna fall, and you’re likely going to reconsider life choices. So, be ready to see the giant groups, the long lines for the Spirit Splash t-shirts, the fight for a good spot around the fountain, the ridiculously long countdown, the dude who runs forward before the countdown finishes, Knightro being a bad-ass, and some duck snatching savagery. Follow these tips and maybe you won’t drop $40 for a duck on Ebay next week.

 

 

 

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