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5 Shitty Wrigleyville Bars to Get Trashed in Before a Cubs Games

In the past year alone, Wrigleyville has seen the addition of a shop that sells $10 pints of ice cream and a hotel that belongs in River North. Taco Bell is still around, but McDonald’s is long gone, and, at this point, we’re just counting down the days till we see some of our favorite bars replaced with upscale cocktail lounges. What’s a guy gotta do to get plastered before a Cubs game around here? (Can we do that anymore, Tom Ricketts??) Yes, in fact. Here’s where. 

5.) BEER on CLARK:

Oh wow, does this place suck or what? Appropriately named, BEER is a place to grab, well, uh, A GODDAMN BEER, YA FOOL. There’s beer pong in the middle of the bar with really no sense of who’s playing at any given time, but who the hell is keeping score anyway? A block-and-a-half from the stadium, it’s not as full as it’s counterparts down the street, and the staff are true salt of the earth in Wrigleyville. THANKS, BEER. 

4.) Nisei Lounge:

A favorite of The Black Sheep, Nisei is the largest Malört bar in the city (It’s gotta be, right? There’s like 100 bottles stacked on the walls). It’s also been around since 1951, and, oh boy, does it show: the floors are gross, the darts are free, and the inside is dark even on the most beautiful of Chicago summer days. We like $3 Red Dog beers (not bad, actually), a few shots of Malort (don’t forget one for your bartender), or get ’em together (a Malört Boilermaker). Oh! And they’re opening a back patio this summer. 

3.) Sluggers:

The perfect spot for getting drunk and taking balls straight to the face in the middle of the afternoon. By this, we mean it’s like the only place we’ve ever heard of that has indoor batting cages. You can get pretty much any kind of beer your beating Cubs heart desires, but just know that there’s opportunity for it to spill all over your Kris Bryant jersey at the fault of one of the hundreds of children running around in the arcade upstairs. At the end of the day, it’s not the batting cages OR the beer you want to come for — it’s the dueling pianos on Fridays and Saturdays.

2.) Blarney Stone:

Blarney Stone is a great bar if you like getting drunk enough to fall on your face and have nobody really notice. The beer is cheap, the floor has a thin layer of dirt covering it, and, if you look out the window on any day the Cubs are playing, you’ll find a quaint pile of vomit resting next to the door. Plus, at least one of the bartenders knows someone you also know, so they’ll be a little more lenient with you if your friend leaves their credit card there and needs you to pick it up. 

1.) The Cubby Bear:

This bar is VERY large. Large enough that its main source of beer distribution is done by handing patrons $9 Bud Light tall boys from icy troughs near the entrance and further in the back near the stage.   

If you find yourself in wandering around Wrigley after a Cubs (or honestly, even a particularly warm Saturday night) Clark Street’s going to be a shitshow wherever you are. 

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