CHICAGO — Soldier Field, home of the just-awful Chicago Bears, will welcome Taylor Swift on Friday as part of the stadium’s commitment to hosting only things with terrible reputations.
Swift, adored by teens and anyone over the age of 21 who still wears a retainer while they sleep, is set to perform her appropriately-titled sixth album, Reputation.
“I really love Taylor,” said head coach of the Bears, Matt Nagy. “Her songs ‘I Did Something Bad’ and ‘Don’t Blame Me’ really resonate with my team. I’m just glad we won’t be the worst thing to come off the field this year.”
“This is why we can’t have nice things!” shouted one drunk Bears fan who’s been tailgating the event since Wednesday, and apparently just likes to be disappointed.
Doors will open at 6 p.m. Friday night, early enough for fans and parents who can only get drunk enough to still drive their kids back to La Grange after the concert.
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