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Dark Matter Coffee’s Toilet ‘Looking Forward’ to Iced Coffee Season

Dark Matter Coffee — With the temperatures finally breaking into the 60s, Dark Matter’s toilet could not be more thrilled for a change of shits iced coffee season brings. 

“This winter has been brutal, and, at this point, I’m excited to take on the iced coffee shits,” said Dark Matter’s toilet on Wednesday morning. “Usually the switch from hot to iced coffee is a pretty turbulent time for bowels–don’t get me started what cold brew does–but I’m up for any sign that summer is here.”  

Store manager Jen Eckhardt said she’s pleased with the toilet’s enthusiasm but has repeatedly told them to put its eagerness at bay. 

“[Iced coffee] season is a long one, a marathon not a sprint,” Eckhardt said. “I know the toilet is looking forward to taking on something that’s a little more malleable with the plumbing but, like many other things in the coffee business, you have to take it one day at a time.” 


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