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5 Other Very Very Important Things To Protest at Clemson

 

In this day age people are always mad. You gotta be super careful with what you say because someone will always get butthurt, and then President Clements will say something middling like “well yano bad things always happen like me having a tiny wiener so whattaryagonnado.” Every day on there’s a new protest blocking some road. Many think these protests are justified and others think they are dumb or for some reason paid. So to show that we here at The Black Sheep are keeping up with the times, we came up with some protests that pretty much everyone in Clemson will agree are worth hating.

5.) Protest about Schilletter Dining Hall being closed on the weekends:

Oh sorry, are the thousands of dollars that students pay for their meal plans not enough to keep it open those two extra days of the week? Honestly, if you’re going to charge that much money keep it open on the weekends when we’re too exhausted from binge drinking to walk the literal extra mile to Core.

4.) Construction equipment. Literally everywhere:

“Hey let’s wait till February to start building stuff, people will have to walk around it to get to class. It’ll be awesome,” said Satan at the Great Clemson Construction Planning Meeting. Do that shit in the summer when no one’s here. It’s not that hard to figure out. The best is when it’s the weekend so not only do you have to make the trek to the other side of campus for food, but you also have to dodge cranes and fences.

3.) Our terrible basketball team:
The team is lucky everyone is still collectively hungover from winning the national championship or else our nice brand new Little John coliseum might have already been burned down. This team has tons of talent but they just can’t seem to get their shit together. Getting blown out by FSU and then losing to Syracuse on a buzzer beater because we left a guy wide open. SMH. Not to mention the latest loss to Duke by 2 damn points.

2.) The shit show that is parking:

If you want to see a Clemson student’s rage, ask them about parking services. There’s like 50 parking spaces, but somehow 500,000 parking passes. The guy that did the math on that one probably also lobbied for the February construction. Plus, those parking service people have got to be making commission on all the tickets they write. They’re like the freaking terminator. If you’re parked somewhere you’re not supposed to for more than five minutes they WILL find you.

1.) 8 a.m. classes:
This is it! This is the one! This isn’t just Clemson. This protest is probably the only thing that could unite every single 18-22 year-old in America. No one likes 8 a.m. classes. No one. And there’s science to show starting letter improves academic performance. Science!!! It’s time we all came together and put an end to them for good.

As you can see there’s still work to do. Stock up on sharpies, signs, and pitchforks because it’s time for a change. We need to all come together and fight the real evil out there. Mainly just 8 am classes and parking services. Fuck those guys.

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