Valentine’s Day is almost here, and you couldn’t give less of a shit. You don’t have a boo, your friends won’t stop talking about heart-shaped candy, and everything in Walmart is suddenly pink. You just can’t wait for this pointless holiday to end. Is there even anything to look forward to? Why yes, there certainly is! The Black Sheep has honed a list of all the best holidays coming up, so mark your calendars for these bad boys:
5.) Galentine’s Day:
The day before dreaded Valentine’s Day is dedicated to the exceptional women in your life. Take some time to treat yo’ lady friends to JJ’s waffles with some soft Duke Silver playing in the background; it’ll make them feel as special as Lil’ Sebastian. All your gal pals are beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk oxen on February 13th.
4.) Presidents’ Day:
A national holiday previously called “Washington’s Birthday,” the third Monday in February serves to honor all the bold men that have run our country. Better make this year a big one on the off chance that this time next year Donald Trump is prez (in which case America will be run into the ground).
3.) National Pistachio Day:
Time to hit up Publix because Friday, February 26th is going to be nutty. Stock up on your favorite brands of pistachio ice cream and pudding to celebrate National Pistachio Day right. Or just stick to plain old salted pistachios if you’re into the classics. We prefer un-shelled to snack on for the challenge.
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2.) 88th Academy Awards:
White supremacists rejoice! This February 28th tune into see which of your fave Caucasian film stars will win Best Actor or Actress. Maybe Leo’s moment will finally be up.
1.) Ain’t Patty’s Day:
The holiest of all Clemson holidays (besides the Palmetto Bowl in November). This year the infamous bar crawl lands on Saturday, March 5th (not February we get it, stop being such a stickler) so get your livers and fake IDs ready! There’s gonna be dancin’, eatin’, and a ton of green beer drinkin’. Better start building up your tolerance now, and don’t forget to buy a t-shirt.