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Top 10 Tips for Nerds on Game Day

As a nerd you might feel like you’re the only person in all of Clemson who dreads the arrival of football season. Even so, you can’t help but wonder what the big draw is, and how will you know what you’re missing out on if you never go to a single game? That’s why this year you’ve decided to leave the quiet comfort of your high-tech hideout and attend one of these infamous game days.

10.) Practice self-discipline:
Force yourself not to get on YouTube or boot up whatever game is your latest obsession. You’ve already decided to dedicate this day to trying something new, dammit, and you know your favorite Let’s-Players and media theorists’ latest videos will still be there when you get back.

9.) Find something orange:
Of course you don’t have any Clemson-themed apparel on hand—it’s not like you have school spirit or anything. Still, you can play along for just one day, right? If you decide to wing it with a different colored shirt, just make sure it’s not the visiting team’s color…unless you want strangers to hiss at you all day.

8.) Look classy:
Chances are it’s been a while since your outer circles of friends have seen you in a casual public setting. Now is the perfect time to put on your emergency classy outfit. Hopefully, people will remember you as their intellectual friend with interesting hobbies—as opposed to that weird kid in a baggy t-shirt and dirty sneakers who prefers screens to people.

7.) Accept the inevitable:
Whatever you do, don’t bring your homework. It’ll be a sure sign to the masses of super fans that you don’t belong. Besides, you’re not going to get any work done with all the inebriated frivolity going on around you.

6.) Lament your punctuality:
Your perfect punctuality may serve you well in class and at the workplace—but now you’re being forced to make awkward small talk with the one person setting up the tailgate because no one else is there yet. You’re painfully reminded of just how long this day is going to be.

5.) Don’t be yourself:
Resist the urge to unleash your cynical opinions on the pointlessness of the sport all your peers have come to celebrate. Talk about anything, anything else—go around and ask everyone what their majors are again if you have to.

4.) Lose your way:
Where did all of these people come from?? You thought Clemson was just a tiny college town stranded in the middle of nowhere—now there are oceans of orange-clad strangers everywhere you look. Their bloated, sunburnt faces are blending together.

3.) Conform, conform, conform:
You struggle to mimic the behaviors of the screaming attendees surrounding you in the stands. You wonder when everyone learned these bizarre chants and hand motions, and why you weren’t invited to practice. Oh, that’s right, it’s because you don’t belong.

2.) Cry on the inside:
You have no idea what’s happening on the field, partly because the players look like colored specs on a green placemat from your shitty student seating. You’re burning alive from the sun and excess of strangers’ sweat and you’re so goddamned BORED that you start zoning out while staring at the tops of nearby buildings.

1.) Make the most of it:
Even if game day doesn’t do much for you, you should reach out to the other nerds who have summoned the willpower to come out and engage with the public just as you did. Maybe when the next home game rolls around you guys can go on a daytrip or something.


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