By now, everyone is used to the orange dresses and the solid orange tees that most students sport to Clemson tailgates and football games. But doesn’t that get boring after a while? Don’t you want to try something new and ditch those orange Chubbies, but don’t know what to wear instead? Do not fear, we wondered the same thing, and hit up the internet for help.
You’ve heard of lingerie. You’ve seen all the Victoria’s Secret commercials. You’ve watched porn. But who says that should stay in the bedroom? Anywhere can be your bedroom if you put your mind to it. So go out and buy an orange, lacy slip-on. It’ll look like a tiger just slashed its claws over your entire body, but without the blood. But the blood would make it pretty cool too. So get some blood.
4.) Orange paint:
We’ve all seen that group of guys who paint their torsos orange and spell out “TIGERS” on their chests. It’s all fun until Reginald realizes he’s had too many beers and they’re left spelling out “TIERS,” or worse, two groups of TIGER bros combine to spell “REGRETS,” and then you’re stuck looking like Frank Beamer after last week’s game. But we want you to go all out with the orange paint. Don’t wear shirts. Don’t wear pants. Don’t wear underwear. Just paint your dongs orange and don’t give it a second thought, you won’t even need sunscreen!
3.) The ball:
Are you tired of feeling useless at this university? Do you feel like the only students the school appreciates are the football players? Well, you can’t have a football game without the football, and that’s where you come in. By disguising yourself as the game ball, you become an asset to the quality of this school. If you’re tired of the high tuition constantly throwing you for a loop, dress like the pig skin and let a bunch of men just throw you.
2.) An actual living tiger:
The Tiger and the Tiger Cub both keep the spirit of Clemson University alive. But why have such an iconic mascot if you can never see the real thing? Make every student’s wish come true by going to the your nearest exotic pet store—tigers make very good house pets—and make a purchase/go steal LSU’s tiger. You won’t even have to pay for food; this school has enough students to last it a lifetime.
1.) A sweater made of Deshaun Watson’s eyelashes:
Even though eyelashes have been branded as feminine features, everyone has them. And they fall out all the time. Remember when Spongebob made Squidward a sweater made out of his eyelashes? That’s what you’d be doing here, except you’re not making a sweater out of your own lashes; you’re making it from the lashes of a man you’ve probably never met and who will most likely never know your name. So getting the lashes could be a challenge. But that’s what this university is about.
If you’re going to a football game, you obviously care about your appearance, which means you must care about the school, because, dare we say it, garnet and black just looks better on most humans than orange does. So why not switch it up? Besides, those orange overalls can only get you laid so many times.
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