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The Ultimate Fan’s Game Day Guide for Clemson vs. Louisville

Week 3 is in full swing and we are just getting our tailgate tolerances back up to that football season high. Thus far, we’ve embarrassed Kent State and sat through a few stressful hours with Auburn. But, we managed to pull out the Ws in the end. It’s time for our third game of the season versus Louisville. Here is what you need to know about our first away game.

University of Louisville
Year founded: 1798
Mascot: Cardinal
All-time record vs Clemson: Clemson leads 3-0

Where Clemson Stands:
2-0 baby. That’s what it’s all about. Winning! The win against Auburn last week might not have been as glamorous as people expected but it showed our defense is for real. It also showed Kelly Bryant is more than capable of winning on the big stage. Yup 2-0, but you gotta take it one week at a time and this week your Tigers go up against the Cardinals of Louisville. Buckle in because it’s time to talk some trash!

The Breakdown:
This is a young rivalry (we’ve only played three times), but make no mistake this game is just as important as FSU, GT, or Carolina. At least they play us close unlike Carolina these past few years. Yes, Clemson has won all three matchups, but Louisville has been in it ’til the very end and you know they want to actually win one of these for once. Louisville will be led by their superstar Lamar Jackson. He’s a once in a lifetime player and the reigning Heisman winner. Unfortunately for Cardinal fans… the rest of this team is garbage. Hot, stinky, moist, garbage. The offensive line is shaky-at-best, and against a defensive line like Clemson’s that usually doesn’t end well. So a with a little more hesitation than Kent State, we’ll say… Clemson wins by 250.

“Fun” facts about Louisville:

Cardinals. Really!? You couldn’t think of a more boring bird? Sure, cardinals are pretty, but they’re not ferocious or intimidating. You know the things teams usually look for in picking a mascot. Maybe Louisville is just slammed with cardinals or something. If any Louisville fan reads this, please let us know why you picked this most interesting mascot. Maybe these Louisvillians… (Louisvites?) truly believe in the old tall tale that cardinals are your loved ones revisiting you from the afterlife.

Their football stadium is sponsored by Papa John’s (lol) and their basketball arena is sponsored by the company that owns Taco Bell, KFC, and Pizza Hut. Seriously you can’t make this shit up! Another fun fact is that their basketball coach, Rick Pitino, and their football coach Bobby Petrino, sound like they could be mob bosses. You don’t usually see that. Plus that whole Bobby Petrino-dating-a-college-student-and-got-caught-when-she-fell-off-the-back-of-his-scooter-thing, but we should all move on from that. Maybe.

Some notable alumni include Robert Nardelli who was the CEO of Home Depot and U.S. senator and majority leader/anthropomorphic owl Mitch McConnell. Diane Sawyer also attended, but she didn’t graduate because she must’ve realized what a shitty school it is.

There is no doubt that this Saturday should be a good game. College Gameday will be there in Louisville and the game is on primetime ABC at 8 p.m. in front of millions of people. We’ve been told Louisville is holding a blackout. They must be preparing for their own funeral. If Clemson’s defense plays like it did last week this game should be easy as pumpkin pie. Our prediction is by halftime Louisville fans will be screaming, “WE’RE A BASKETBALL SCHOOL ANYWAY!!!!!” Tune in next week when we look at Boston College. Go Tigers!

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