You only see two types of Snapchats: the party videos and the ugly-crying photos. Sometimes both at the same time. But have you ever thought about the reasons behind the pics your friends send you of them sobbing, taken at that below-the-chin level that magically turns everyone into a wet egg? We have. We’ll share our pain with you! Here are a few reasons that students at Clemson have really just wanted to curl up and cry this semester.
5.) The long ass Starbucks lines:
Caffeine is a drug, and most people need that drug to function in the morning and get rid of the signals your body is giving you that say, “You’re dependent on a bean chemical.” You’re walking over Library Bridge to your class in Daniel, you have a headache because you broke your coffee pot at home, and you think you can squeeze in a quick Starbucks trip in the five minutes you have before your class starts. But when you walk up the stairs to the fifth floor, you’re devastated to see a human centipede of people who also want to experience heart palpitations and get their names spelled wrong for an overpriced cup of bitter brown liquid. Sad!
4.) Dirty bowls in the dining halls:
Do you ever walk into Schilletter hoping to eat a “salad,” but can’t help but realize that every single bowl or plate you pick up has some residue from six days ago on it? Unless you’re every freshman who’s just trying weed for the first time, you’ve been disgusted by it. But humans have to eat, so you eat out of that greasy dish with a suspiciously slippery fork because LITERALLY EVERY PIECE OF KITCHENWARE IS LIKE THAT. Hooray for hepatitis!
3.) Clemson’s loss to Syracuse:
Everybody watched that game, right? If you didn’t, here’s a quick recap: There were boys and they threw this brown egg back and forth, and everybody yelled for a long time. And then the orange people cried. Caught up now? Good. That’s basically it. This was a single happening in our past, but that little #2 on some CFB polls is a daily reminder of this stupid game, causing people to sob outside of Death Valley while reaching for Howard’s Rock.
2.) Cumulative finals:
There are two and a half weeks left, and you remember that all of your finals are cumulative. If you want a way to squish all of the information of the semester together, put your notes on the floor and get into the fetal position on top of them. If you do that long enough, you can expect a call from the university letting you know that you’ve been expelled because you missed your final exams and it’s actually Christmas Eve. Or, you and your friends can do some soul selling rituals in the rooms available for studying in Cooper Library. Maybe satan will grant you that miracle you need to pass your classes, for a price of course.
1.) Boys in shorts:
If you come across a guy on Tinder whose bio is just filled with fake movie reviews, swipe the fuck left. You know that if you see that dude on campus, he will be wearing a neon orange jacket with khaki shorts and Sperry’s even though it’s 26 degrees outside and he had to stick his head out the car window while his windshield defrosted this morning. Get. Out. Of. There. Nothing makes us want to push you into the Reflection Pond more than your fucking cargos.
If you’ve managed to not cry about one of these things at least twice this semester, you might want to watch a video of a dog mourning the death of its owner or something to make sure you are an actual human that is capable of having emotions. If you have cried at these things, congratulations! You’re truly part of the Clemson family.