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Dear Honey: February Anxieties Edition

 

 

Single in college? Struggling with shallow relationships? As everyone knows, college is the one and only time to find your soul mate, but sometimes the budding romances of twenty-somethings need help along the way. Fortunately, you can just ask Honey Rider— The Black Sheep’s certified love expert, working directly on the romantic front lines.

 

Dear Honey,

 

Recently I’ve been having trouble catching the attention of my calculus crush. Every day in class I sit across the room from her, avoid catching her eye, and generally pretend she doesn’t exist, but she’s never shown any interest. I’ve tried literally all the techniques that worked for me in high school. I even called her by the wrong name once. It didn’t do any good. What am I doing wrong? Do I need to “accidentally” spill my Clemson Goodnight on her at TD’s this weekend? Or should I call her out on Clemson Crushes? Please get back to me ASAP. I need a date to the Valentine’s mixer coming up.

 

Sincerely,

 

Dateless in Death Valley

 

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Dear Dateless,

 

As you may have already noticed, college dating is very different than high school dating was. Girls no longer melt in you hand just because you’re on the lacrosse team; now you have to work for their attention! I suggest next class sitting beside her and engaging her in meaningful conversation. Perhaps you could begin by asking her for help on a math problem next class? She’ll be impressed by your progressive views on female intelligence. Or, next time you see her downtown, instead of spilling your drink on her ask if you can buy her one. Sincerity can go a long way. As long as you’re a polite Clemson gentleman, I’m sure you’ll have a date to the mixer in no time!

 

Sincerely,

 

Honey Rider

 

Dear Honey,

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a month now and it’s getting pretty serious. For example, I know that he has a pet cat named Trixie, his favorite pencils are black Ticonderoga from the bookstore in Hendrix, and he goes to Fike every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after his English Lit class to get swoll. I want to get him something really special for Valentine’s Day, but I have no idea what after only a month of dating… I mean, he might be THE ONE for me, and I really need to impress him. Can you help me out??

 

Sincerely,

 

Taken but Shakin’

 

Dear Taken,

 

It seems like you really care about this guy, and that’s great! However, I don’t think you need to sweat so much about the Valentine’s Day present. After dating for a whole month, a single night won’t make or break your relationship. How about getting him a gift that brings you even closer together, like matching necklaces? That way, everyone else will know he belongs to you. Or maybe you could get a microchip for his phone—he’ll appreciate it later when you take him to one of his favorite hangout spots to spend a romantic day together.

 

Sincerely,

 

Honey Rider

 

Dear Honey,

 

I matched with someone on Tinder while I was home for break, and things have been going great, but today I just found out they go to the University of South Carolina. What should I do?

 

Sincerely,

 

Clueless but Not a ‘Cock

 

Dear Clueless,

 

Break up with them immediately.

 

Sincerely,

 

Honey Rider

 

 

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