Even if you don’t like scary things, you know you love Halloween. What’s not to love? It’s a day where you can eat candy with a purpose, dress like you do on Bid Day, and binge watch Stranger Things while you shove an entire jack-o-lantern up your ass shouting, “THE DEMOGORGON!” But costumes really make or break the day, and if you want to give your fellow Clemson students a good fright, try these out.
5.) An angry Dad-bo Swinney:
Dabo Swinney’s a great guy. It’s hard to focus on the downfall of the world when we see that smiling face on our televisions. But if his happiness brings us such immense joy, then what do his more negative emotions bring us? Anger? Sadness? No. We’re terrified. His charming, beaming face wields so much power that it replaced Atlas in holding up the earth. If that goes away, we fall into and then out of the bowels of the universe, only to figure out the galaxy was the rectum of Sharpay Evans. She wasn’t kidding when she said she wanted it all.
4.) Realizing it was in the syllabus all along:
Every professor at Clemson gives out a syllabus that contains basic information like Title IX rules and what to do if a teacher is late to class (the only part of the syllabus needed, in our opinion). But usually the syllabus goes into the back of that overpriced folder you got at Barnes and Noble because you don’t want to read about the actual content of the class. Yet, you’re forced to dig it out when you know the answer to one of your questions is just sitting in there, and you’d much rather get a plethora of paper cuts than hear the professor practically say to you, “I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed.”
3.) Freshman Clemson girls double-fisting Straw-ber-rita cans at a tailgate:
Ah, yes. That wonderful drink that you see in Instagrams all over Death Valley. The beverage that all freshmen buy with their friends with fake IDs because it’s cheap and strong. The elixir that tastes like somebody put cilantro into a bottle of V8 Splash. The liquid that made you vomit all over your friend’s floor at the Campus View apartments after chugging several because it hadn’t hit you yet, and your roommate practically had to give you a sponge bath because your white Converse shoes were stained pink and you could barely make a sentence. Relatable?
2.) When the extrovert’s not in class:
You know those people who willingly interact with other students and professors? The ones who have so many leadership positions you start to wonder if they even have time to blink? Well, when they’re not in class you suddenly realize how painfully long the professor can go sitting in silence without that extrovert to peep up. Hours pass, everyone just sitting in silence after the professor asks a question. Hopefully the extrovert comes back, or we’re all saved by sweet, sweet death.
1.) Leaving your tab open at Loose Change:
Goooddddd is there anything worse than leaving a tab open downtown. You saddle up to the night promising to spend $15 max, then you’re two Bud Lights in and buying a round of shots for the two kids from group project freshman year you randomly just ran into. Sure! Open a tab! you tell the bartender not unlike a hot girl confidently says What? There’s nothing in there! before opening a closet in literally all scary movies. The scariest thing you can wake up to, besides a frat boi, is an credit-cardless wallet.
There are a ton of things all over Clemson that trigger our fears and existential dread. If you spend enough nights at the library with absolutely no sleep, that’s pretty easy to achieve. If you get a decent amount of rest every night, chances are you’re not easy to please. That’s no fun.
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