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If Clemson Wins the National Championship, I Resolve To…


Today is the day we have all been impatiently waiting for. When the clock strikes 8:30 p.m., our Tigers will be perched and ready to strike at their pray in a hungry desire for honor, glory, and the ultimate beat down of the Crimson Tide. TBS is here with the greatest Clemson Tiger resolutions of all time that we pinky promise to do if we win tonight.


6.) Solid Orange Brain Freeze:
Eat an orange popsicle outside in the cold daily until winter officially ends. Our Tigers have been running back and forth on the field in frigid cold air for weeks now. We don’t want to hear your complaints. Take that popsicle outside and suck it. It’s the least you could do for glory. 


5.) Spirit Mondays:
Wear a Tiger costume on the second Monday of every month for the entirety of 2016. 11 days. That’s a whopping total of a mere 11 days in a year to rep your mascot. This is an honor that only a national championship winning team can incur. Suit up, Tigers. Commemorate our win until the bitter end. 


4. Creativity Points:
Rob Harcombe of their string carrots for orange jewelry endeavors. The Black Sheep is here to inform you of the plainly obvious. There are oodles of string carrots sitting useless in Harcombe awaiting their fate — to be used as fashionable Clemson jewelry! Grab a to-go box, fill it to the brim with carrots, and start crafting necklaces and earrings alike. Yeah, we’re that hardcore. 


3. Tiger on a Budget:
Using purple and orange Kool-Aid to dye your hair. Combine the powdery goodness of these timeless drink mixes with some diluted conditioner and wah-lah! You have yourself some bad ass hair dye. Dually note that this is only temporary color. Reapply twice a week if you’re a real Tiger fan.


2. Bring Your Own Morph Suit:
Imagine this for a moment — a mob of Tiger fans wearing orange and purple morph suits running circles around campus, wreaking spirited havoc and causing a ruckus of pure honor. This could be a reality, but it’s in your paws. Get a group of Tiger friends together and ride out into the night. We’re all in and we’re champions.


1. All-in Flash-Mob:
Flash dance mobs are awesome. You can’t even remotely begin to argue that. And in the case that you do try to argue that, you’re probably not a Tiger. “The Eye of The Tiger” is a timeless musical composition, and we at TBS feel that it is wholeheartedly representative of our rise to the top. We started from the bottom, now we here. Practice rigorously for the next seven Mondays with your Greek organization. When the moment comes, we flash dance our assess off on the amphitheater stage.


If we win this thing, it is the duty of every Clemson student to change their way of living to fall in accordance with the title we potentially may hold. Go big or go home!


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