Clemson recently added softball to its official varsity sports program, and while softball’s cool and whatever, no one wants to watch that for three hours. If people wanted to watch someone run around bases for three hours, then they would go to watch our #4 NATIONALLY RANKED BASEBALL TEAM! So, Clemson’s on the right track adding sports, but they’re just not quite getting it yet. We need variety. It’s time that Clemson listened up to the people and gave them the sports they really want to see.
6.) The Clemson Tiger Drinking Team:
This one’s a no brainer, right? Everyone knows their prime drinking years are during their four (or sometimes five if you’re lucky) years in college. Clemson’s campus is littered with 5-star drunks, and frankly we need to prove our drinking dominance over wannabees like USC and Ohio State. There’s no way people wouldn’t tune in to a Beer Olympics between those teams.
5.) Surfing team:
“But, Clemson is three and half hours away from the beach!” No need for a geography lesson. If the school can build a 50 million dollar sports complex/amusement park for the football team, then it can figure out how to build an indoor surfing facility. Because, let’s face it, if there is one thing this college needs is more laid back stoners who just wanna smash some gnarly waves.
C’mon people, this is an Olympic sport! Why does Clemson not have this? There is just something about watching those dudes roll out their pucks and viciously sweep the floor in front of it that captures the world’s attention every damn four years. Well, why not every year at Clemson University? Would you sign up?
3.) Swim team:
This one is kinda boring, but we for real don’t have a swim team, despite it seeming like a basic sport to have. Get it together, Clemson. We live on a lake for cryin’ out loud! Also, this university just seems to hate aquatic sports in general, because they just cut the diving team after recruiting an amazing athlete from overseas. Needless to say, people are in shock. This should be front page news, but no one else is talking about it. Just goes to show you if you want truth and excellence in reporting, come to The Black Sheep.
2.) Hacky Sack:
A classic Clemson activity, that much like sex in TTT’s bathroom, is way way harder than it looks. If we had a surfing team and a hacky sack team, then this campus could see a complete takeover by the potheads. No one needs that.
1.) Cock Fighting:
Fun fact: cock fighting was legal in Louisiana until 2008. That’s just one of the many reasons why Louisiana is a batshit insane state. Obviously, this would have to be one of those underground sports, but students could make it work. And, before you go off saying it’s “animal cruelty” at least this way they get a chance for glory. Better than getting shipped off to Zaxby’s. We are, of course, talking about making dummy South Carolina kids here.
This is just the tip of the iceberg of varsity sports Clemson should add. Send in your most creative suggestions to our twitter account, @BlackSheep_Clem, and maybe you’ll get the password to our secret cockfighting club.
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