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Study Shows FSU Fans Increase White Trash Population at Clemson

In an independent study done by the South Carolina Department of Parks, Recreation, and Tourism (DPRT), it was found that in the weekend leading up to the FSU-Clemson game, the influx of Florida State fans drastically increased the white trash population of Clemson.

An unfortunate side effect of the massive turnout for the pivotal match-up is that the grossest skanks, tools, and rednecks from Northern Florida just generally made things worse. The increase even managed to outpace the influx of white trash individuals that happened at the South Carolina game last year.

The change in demographics, brought on by the delusional hillbilly sleazeballs from Leon County, Florida, disrupted much of the normal activity that goes on during game day in Clemson. Many Clemson fans received inconvenient challenges from asshole Seminole fans, like Four Loko shotgunning contests. Fortunately, most altercations could be avoided by leaving the area as soon as jorts were seen.       

A number of statistical examples provided by DPRT help illustrate the disruption. According to their findings, the number of ass slappings of strangers was up 45%, neck tattoos up 15%, and the number of Kid Rock songs played a disgusting 70%. In addition, the strength of migraines felt by Tiger fans went up by 30%, as you have to be messed up in the head to not lose your shit every time you hear the tomahawk chop.

As expected, the number of arrests have already gone up a staggering amount compared to the previous gameday, as it has been statistically proven that these ratchet losers can’t control themselves. Not only was the amount of arrests unprecedented, but the uniqueness of the arrests were a first for the Clemson University Police Department, as for the first time there were arrests recorded for a knife fight in Harcombe, a pitbull fighting ring in the empty Mellow Mushroom building, and distribution of PCP.

Nate Clayton, a sophomore bioengineering major at Clemson, relayed his experience with the backwoods Caucasian degenerates: “I was tailgating with my family when a guy in a camo tank top came up to me and asked if I wanted to trade my ticket for some molly that’ll put me in what he called a “color coma.” When I said no, he spat tobacco on my cornhole and said that he’d rather go the strip club than the game anyway.”

Not only were the rural white trash of Tallahassee present to increase the presence of chlamydia in the state tenfold, but also the total number of douchebag spastic drug-fiending frat bros went up dramatically, as a number of FSU fraternities took buses up to the game.

“At first I thought these guys were pretty cool, since they brought a lot of booze and hot FSU girls,” recalls local fraternity brother Spencer Callahan, about the FSU chapter of his national fraternity. “But once they started getting into fistfights with visiting parents and asking girls if they wanted to do cocaine off of their penises, we realized they were full Tallahassee.”

Investigators are still examining why no king crab legs were stolen from the nearby Publix.

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