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The Black Sheep Interviews: Duke’s Coach K

Duke University’s Coach Mike Krzyzewski recently racked up his 1000th career NCAA Division I basketball victory. Despite being Clemson’s long-time ACC foe, it’s no question that Coach K is a living legend. The Black Sheep was lucky enough to sit down with Coach K and discuss Clemson and Duke basketball, along with some other ACC schools.


The Black Sheep: Thanks for coming by, Coach. Welcome to Clemson!

Coach Krzyzewski: Thank you for having me. It is relaxing to be back in this abysmal farm land that you people call “Clemson.”


TBS: (Laughing) Of course! This farmland is undoubtedly nicer than that disgusting city you call Durham, but we digress. What’s your favorite part about visiting Clemson?

Coach: It’s nice to take a vacation every now and then, you know? Food’s great. Very bloody. But, alas, I digress. At Duke, basketball is oxygen. We breathe it and prosper in it. At Clemson, basketball is more like carbon monoxide. There’s always going to be a little bit around, but you try not to think about it and stay away from it as much as possible. Here, I’m finally taking a break from the basketball environment.


TBS: How much longer can you keep on coaching, then?

Coach: I feel like I could coach forever.


TBS: Alright. Anyway, congratulations on 1,000 wins.

Coach: I appreciate it. You know we value your losses to us just as highly as any others. They’ve all helped us achieve this milestone, no matter how expected.


TBS: We actually won a big game a few weeks ago on Tobacco Road against NC State. What are your plans for when we visit Cameron Indoor on the 21st?

Coach: Anyone can beat NC State, not just you. We’ll look to do our normal thing against you guys. It seems like you have a lot of Blue Devil fans in Clemson since every time I go to Papajohn, or whatever your arena is called, I see radiant blue contrasting that ugly orange. You should start handing out complimentary shirts to avoid more embarrassment.


TBS: (Sigh) Sir, you may have taken it too far there. We did win at Littlejohn last year against your squad, and we do hand out free t-shirts. Did you know we are actually 8-0 against Tobacco Road over the past three seasons?

Coach: In what, football?


TBS: Exactly. Can’t slip anything by you, Mr. K. Not considering yourself, who is the best coach in our conference?

Coach: I hate Roy Williams, he’s an old cheater who’ll croak soon. I would say Boeheim, but he hasn’t been in this conference long enough to be considered. The same goes for Rick Pitino at Louisville. Even if he had been here long enough, I still wouldn’t choose him. He gets too riled up and acts like a weasel with rabies. So, by default, I’ll say Brownell, to make you happy, of course.


TBS: Who would win in a hands-only fight: a Blue Devil or a Tiger?

Coach: Honestly, I couldn’t even tell you what a Blue Devil is. From my understanding, it’s a mythical creature that runs around Durham and mugs hobos. I saw in the news one time that Blue Devils actually account for 77% of Durham’s crime rate. A Tiger is actually a magnificent creature. Every time you guys play the video of the Tigers chasing the bus on the big screen at Papajohn, I am certainly entertained. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and say a Tiger would win, even though it doesn’t have any hands and you said hand-to-hand fight.


TBS: And, I was hoping to ask you about K.J. McDa—

Coach: Boy. Excuse me, boy.


TBS: Yes?

Coach: I must leave you to feast. It is the bloodening time.


TBS: Uh…

Coach: Good day. Study hard. I thirst.


With that, Coach K. disappeared in a thing blue mist. Thanks Coach K!

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