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The Black Sheep’s Guide to South Carolina

 

When you first got to Clemson on move-in day you probably thought to yourself, “Wow, golly gee! Look at all the different people! I bet everyone’s from super cool far away places! I’m going to be so cultured by the time I graduate!” Little did your tiny freshman self know most of the other students would actually be in-staters just like you. Clemson University is a public school, after all, and in-state tuition attracts South Carolinians left and right. If for some reason you’re going to Clem but aren’t from the great Palmetto State, here’s a quick guide to help you fit in. The state of South Carolina can be split into five distinct regions:

 

The Lowcountry:

Yeah this is an actual name for the coastal part of the state, or “Everything that the sea touches,” as Mufasa would say. It literally smells like shit because of the pluff mud that makes up the marshes (or something like that). You can immediately tell which Clemson kids are from the Lowcountry because of their bright blue Costas. They all know how to surf, and their Instagrams are exclusively “Salt Life” beach pictures. They’ll talk incessantly about kayaking and try to teach you about cast net techniques if you get too close.

 

The Charleston/ Tri-County area:

Referred to as the “Holy City,” Charleston is a tiny, rich haven that isn’t quite associated with the rest of the state; you won’t even have to ask Charlestonians where they’re from because it’s the first thing they tell you. These kids will boast about boat days in the harbor and crazy nights downtown, but they’re all so beautiful and tan that it won’t bother you that much. You can easily spot Charleston guys in a crowd by their pastel too-short shorts, and the girls somehow never have a hair out of place (even when the humidity is 180%).

 

The Upstate:

… but what they really mean is a suburb of Greenville. Nothing really happens in the Upstate, so their selling point is being close to both Atlanta and Charlotte.

 

Columbia:

Also called the armpit of South Carolina. Most students from this area choose to attend the University of South Carolina (barf), but the few that escape to Tiger Town love Clemson more than most places. The only time it’s acceptable to visit here is when you’re passing through on the way to school, or for watching our Tigers dominate the ‘Cocks in the Palmetto Bowl. Columbia sucks and has literally nothing to offer. We’re not biased or anything.

 

Everywhere else:

Consisting of exclusively hicks and farm chicks, these are towns where every family owns both a truck and a horse. When out of state-ers think of South Carolina, this is what their mental image looks like. Examples are towns like Orangeburg, Hartsville, and Traveler’s Rest; does it get more southern than that? These Clemson students will probably be involved in majors like fishery and agriculture and wearing camo 24/7. Don’t ask us why, that’s just how it is here.

 

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