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Top 10: Ways to Survive Your First Late Night Clemson Drunchies

You took for granted the sheer abundance of food at your parents’ house, but when the availability of cheap booze leads to a severe case of the drunchies, you’ll soon be longing for the old snack cabinet. Depending on your roommates, your secret stash might be mysteriously depleted, and when the dining halls are already closed, you’ll need drastic measures to fulfill your inner hangry monster.

10.) Wendy’s:
This old drunchy standby may remind you comfortingly of your favorite hometown Cook Out, Bojangles’ or Waffle House—but don’t be fooled. On popular drinking nights, the lines here will be out the door, and you’ll probably lose focus halfway through the wait anyway.

9.) Java City:
Open until 1a.m., Java City has a wide selection of deliciously fattening options to satisfy the drunchies. Their pastries have just the buttered plastic consistency you’re sure to be craving, and a late night Javalanche will wash down the shame of facing the dedicated library studiers in your drunken stupor.

8.) Tiger Transit:
These wonderful drivers will take you right to the edge of downtown, where a delicious array of choices awaits you—from El Jimador Bites to Chipotle. Unfortunately, you spent all your money buying moonshine from that weird kid down the hall, and they don’t take Paw Points here.

7.) TigersToGo:
If leaving your bed (or getting up from the floor) sounds like a Herculean task, there’s still a way to get that delicious, overflowing Chiptole burrito. TigersToGo is as simple as ordering pizza, and will make you the envy of all those who settled for Little Caesars.

6.) Vending Cuisine:
Fortunately for those down to their last few quarters, all Clemson dorms come equipped with an emergency drunchy supply. Readily available and reasonably priced, the vending machines have something for everybody—from spicy Cheetos to antique Twinkies.

5.) P.O.D. Mart:
These little markets are a drunk’s paradise, with an endless array of snack foods and ready meals. You can even get supplies for late night activities. Skinny-dipping in Lake Hartwell? They have beach towels! Visit to your cheating ex? Those Doritos will supply you with an irresistible, sexy smell.

4.) Foraging:
If you spent all your Paw Points on assorted beach towels, travel mugs, umbrellas and other “useful” items, don’t worry! Clemson has an assortment of humane traps for the stray cat—er, squirrel population. Southerners do it all the time, right? You are in Clemson after all, so get a fire goin’ and get that little morsel roastin’!

3.) Vegan Foraging:
Clemson being an agriculture school, there are plenty of free options for vegans, too. Just a short trip across Old Greenville Highway is the student organic farm, where you can find delicious options like underground French fries and ketchup fruits. Just like an organic McDonald’s!

2.) Gluten-free Foraging:
Squirrels and ketchup fruits might technically be gluten free, but cross contamination is a serious issue. To escape any glutinous wind, you’ll have to journey into the Experimental Forest. It’s a trek, but there, you’ll be able to nibble on clovers and dandelion greens in safety. The only downside is nobody will be around to see how perfect you are.

1.) New Friend with a Car:
Ladies, you’ll find it a breeze to snag a ride in the back of a pickup to Cook Out, and probably even get that milkshake for free. Guys, you might find yourself the designated driver. Welcome to drunken sexism.

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