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What to Get Your Latest Hook Up for Valentine’s Day


Valentine’s Day is the most dreaded day of the year for couples and single people. For singles, it’s an obvious reminder of impending loneliness. For couples, it means big spending. But what does it mean for friends with benefits and casual hook ups? What should you give them? The Black Sheep thinks gifts for your fling should be subtle. A grand gestured romantic gift might give them the upper hand in your relationship. Get your “study buddy” something practical that shows you care (but not too much) like these gift ideas:


10.) Candy: 
But not their favorite kind. That would be way too meaningful. Just stop by Pod Mart for some M&Ms or skittles. Better yet, get them Tic Tacs while you’re in line at the grocery store to save yourself some dough.


9.) Pizza:
Sure, you could get a gourmet pizza from Pixie & Bill’s, but why do that when you could treat them to a night in with Little Caesar’s? You’ll enjoy it, they’ll enjoy it, and they can’t back out because it’s the most noncommittal dinner in existence. Toppings not required.


8.) Condoms:
What? You guys are hooking up and you’ll put them to good use, it makes perfect sense. Maybe splurge on that strawberry flavor or heat-sensations kind you’ve been itching to try. Or, just head on over to Redfern and get some for free!


7.) Eye contact: 
Only on occasion though. You don’t want them to think you’re taking this “thing” too seriously. Whatever this “thing” is. This definitely isn’t a relationship. Neither of you guys want that. We totally believe you.


6.) A night of luxury:
And by luxury we mean a movie on the couch, not some mushy, fancy dinner at Blue Heron or something. Be sure to shush them during interesting parts and make all the conversation superficial. Family? Past relationships? Childhood memories? Completely off limits. That way you can push your definitely nonexistent feelings even further away.


5.) Phone Data:
So your booty texts won’t cost them a dime. Everyone wins—you won’t miss out when your boo is saving up minutes, and they won’t have to sacrifice a night of passion to a pesky phone bill.


4.) Gum:
Who doesn’t like gum? Constantly chewing will make them as cool as Dabo, and it costs less than $2.00. Plus, after a meal full of seafood, garlic, or onions, your girl might even give you a kiss after she gets this Valentine’s gift.


3.) Tweezers: 
Hear us out: they’re not the sexiest, but I’ll be damned if tweezers aren’t useful. You’ll finally get to pluck out that super long ear hair on bae that’s been tickling your chin for months, and you won’t even have to be a dick about it.


2.) Socks:
To make footsie fun again! No one actually enjoys the sensation of cold feet rubbing together. With socks his piggies stay warm and you don’t have to pretend like you like his toe hair.


1.) Nothing:
You guys aren’t a couple, so you’re really not obligated to get them anything for Valentine’s Day. Buy yourself something nice, kid.


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