Ahhh, high school. Undeniably, there’s something about being back under your parents’ roof that re-inspires all the juvenile, shitty habits you cultivated during your four years in that zoo. Whether you want these behaviors to return or not, they’re pretty much inevitable.
6.) Hopping the fence of the community pool:
Remember the summer after 8th grade? When you were terrified of getting caught scaling the fence of the local pool, and all your friends made fun of you for being “such a pussy”? Out of sheer fear of being an outcast, you became a real pro at sneaking into the community pool during the following four years. You thought you had grown out of this one, but nope – you’re doing it again as a 21-year-old. The rush of feeling 16 again is too enticing to pass up.
5.) Hooking up in your church’s parking lot:
This was your favorite move that you pulled on any and every girl that you scored a chance with (which, at the most, was really only two). Because there’s truly nothing more romantic than the combination of Jesus and a dimly lit parking lot on a Tuesday night. It was almost like you wanted to get caught by the local cops who have nothing better to do than patrol the ‘burbs late at night, looking to bust teenagers engaging in some public hanky-panky. Falling back into this habit is easier than you’d like to admit.
4.) Blowing out the speakers of your mom’s Mercedes listening to Chief Keef:
Driving around with your boys blaring shitty music was possibly your favorite pastime once you got your license, and doing it while whipping around your mom’s luxury car was even more exciting. However, spending the summer before college paying off the $1,000 speaker replacement after blowing those bad boys out listening to “Love Sosa” was not exactly your idea of fun. Aaaaand you can’t resist doing the exact same thing this summer. Woohoo! Another $1,000 out the window!
3.) Smoking an apple pipe in your shed:
Evading your parents to get baked was something you became really good at during your high school years. Whether hotboxing your buddy’s car, or sneaking off to various elusive locations such as your parents’ old garden shed, any venue that was remotely discreet was good enough for you. Having left your actual pipe back at school and being too lazy to go buy another one, you have to revert to your 11th grade MacGyver ways of crafting an oh-so-sophisticated pipe out of that one apple that’s been in the fridge for like three months.
2.) Having sex with your 10th grade PE teacher:
What a classic high school quirk: sleeping with your hot PE teacher. What is it about being home that makes you so goddamned horny? While most of your friends revert to hitting up their old prom dates, you’re actively seeking out Coach Griggs, the high school alum who never left your hometown, to relive the glory days of boning in the musty locker room. Some patterns you can never escape. Sit and reach for that dick, girl!
1.) Getting arrested for arson:
Before you moved out of the house, you became acquainted with a fair share of legal conundrums. Getting arrested for burning down the wooden play structure in your local park is just one of many. As hard as you try to resist the urge to fuck around with a lighter and an old can of chocolate-scented Axe, your sense of self-control flies out the window and you send that bitch straight into flames. As much as we try to deny it, it’s hard to escape our teenage selves.
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