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Why Are All Columbia Students Convinced They Can Sing?

It seems like every hallway, bathroom, dorm room, trash can, nook and cranny on Columbia’s campus is always filled with song, and not in a fun quirky way (i.e. Glee). It seems like Columbia students are under the impression that they are talented singers.

Folks, that is just dead fucking wrong. So why do they do it? Surely, they know how untalented they are, right? Wrong. It appears that none of them know. None of them are aware, yet they truly believe everybody wants to hear them squawk the entire Hamilton soundtrack down the halls and into the air.

The strangest thing is that it’s usually not musical theatre majors pulling this shit. They do pull this shit, but not as often as one would think. It’s always the unexpected characters, like a game design major, who will just be singing while getting a plate of food at the UC.

There’s really no escape.

There’s the whole social media aspect to this, too. Nobody wants to see another artsy kid in overalls playing “Heathens” by Twenty-One Pilots on the ukulele or the acoustic version of “No Problem” by Chance the Rapper. The over-saturation of bad singing is too much. Hell, even random good singing isn’t something people wanna hear anymore. The bad singers ruined it for everyone.

Let’s not forget about the rapping either.

Everybody at Columbia also has a side career as an underground rapper, in case you weren’t aware. Something that’s never talked about: not everybody sounds good rapping! Whoa, strange concept! How could anyone sound “bad” just saying words along with a beat? Walk down any dorm hallway on campus and you’ll know exactly what bad rapping sounds like.

Do other schools have this odd “breaking-out-into-song when no one asked you to” problem? Apparently not. People from other schools have reported that this must be a Columbia-centric thing (fuckin’ surprise surprise). Most schools have actual problems, like finals, for example. At Columbia, you gotta worry about over-the-top art fucks screech-singing at random times and abstract theater performance pieces. 

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