With the new school year in full swing, the Columbia Renegades have announced the addition of “Performative Wokeness” to their list of official sports teams.
“The Renegades has a measly four sports so far, so we’re really excited to bolster our program with this new addition,” noted Brad Danielson, head of student organizations.
The new sport, “Performative Wokeness” is an all-encompassing term for a number of activities that range anywhere from senselessly re-hashing progressive statements on Twitter, to putting “feminist” in your Tinder bio in order to get more swipes.
“The idea is that you act like you’re an ally without actually doing anything that will cause real social change,” remarked Lila Thayer, captain of the Performative Wokeness team. “Lucky for us, most Columbia students are doing this already without even having joined our team.”
For those concerned with their athletic ability, the captain of the PW squad assured students that it’s an easy sport to pick up.
“All you need is the right attitude and a big mouth,” Thayer said. “A Twitter account helps, too.”
Thayer also explained that the best part about this sport is the recreational aspect of it. The students who participate in Performative Wokeness are only required to do it when it’s convenient for them – or when it’s especially trendy.
The team is planning to kick off the season with a competition in superficial displays of solidarity, primarily concentrated on social media.
Because the season is rapidly approaching, sign-ups have been posted all around campus.
“Most of the sign-ups so far have been white students. Not very surprising,” a member of the team mentioned.
Thayer strongly recommends students to join–and soon–if they’re interested in looking like they give a shit without actually giving a shit.
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