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5 Ways to Definitely Qualify as a Cool Boi at Columbia

Have you ever wanted to be one of those cool ass Columbia cool bois, the ones with swoopy emo hair that all the gals swoon over? Have you ever wanted to dazzle the woman of your dreams with just the simple drag of a cigarette? Chances are you aren’t a cool boy right now, but there’s still hope! Acquire the following attributes and you too can qualify as a cool boi.

5.) Have an acoustic guitar (actual skills not required):
Walking around town, guitar in hand, is by far the ultimate mark of a cool gentleman. It gives you a real quirky “Mac DeMarco” vibe. As previously mentioned, actual skills are not required. Nobody gives a shit if you can really play as long as you just look like you know how to. Confidence is key, fellas. Make sure to bring your guitar to every party ever and/or bring up the fact that you own a guitar at all available opportunities.

4.) Bum cigarettes off freshman girls:
Never buy your own cigarettes. Why spend $13 a pack on American Spirits when you could just get them for free from girls who just want you to leave them alone? Chain smoking makes you look like a dude who just doesn’t give an F, and everybody knows there’s nothing cooler than apathy.

3.) Include vague, meaningless captions on all forms of social media:
Doesn’t matter the content of the photo—honestly, the more ambiguous the better. All that matters is that you keep them guessing. Photos of a camera with the caption “filming” is always a good one. Photos of your feet with the caption “just thinkin’” is another keeper. Tweets have to be even more mysterious. Tweeting in morse code is a dope option.

2.) Have “controversial” opinions:
Everybody loves Reddit boys who play “devil’s advocate” for shock value. It’s always a jazzy conversation when you start it off with “Well, actually…” when discussing neo-Nazis. The whole room will look at you in awe of your bravery.

1.) Edgy headgear:
Things such as beanies, backwards hats, bicycle helmets, etc. are hip as hell and will definitely get normie heads turning on the streets. Plus, a casual bike helmet makes it look like you own a motorcycle and shields your brain from any potential dangers that life inevitably throws at you. Although backwards hats and beanies don’t cradle your brain as well as a bike helmet, they look slightly cooler, casual and carefree.

 

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