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Dr. Kim Assures Board Members That Columbia ‘Exudes Big Dick Energy,’ Obvious That He Has No Idea In Hell What It Means

At the recent annual shareholder meeting for Columbia College Chicago, Dr. Kim did something slightly out of character by reassuring the college’s board members that the university exudes “big dick energy.”

“You know, students have been complaining about the tuition increase for this academic year and want to know where their money is going,” noted treasurer Barry M. Sabloff. “Some of our board members have picked up on what’s being said around campus and brought this up in the meeting.”

According to secretary Sharon Dalenberg, the board was preparing to discuss these crucial financial concerns until Dr. Kim veered entirely off course.

“When he dropped the phrase ‘big dick energy,’ no one was ready for that,”admitted Dalenberg. 

When the board members questioned Dr. Kim about what he was trying to say, he simply responded by repeating the phrase a second time, this time with more emphasis.

“Big…dick…energy,”reiterated Dr. Kim, this time with hand gestures.

“From the look on his face, I think he really believed he had done something extraordinary,” Sabloff said.

“I’m really not sure where he picked the phrase up,” commented one of the board members commented. “He probably heard it being said by students around campus and decided to use it to prove to our board members how ~in touch~ he is with today’s youth.” 

While Dr. Kim’s response undoubtedly confused the board, it also had a profound effect on the room. Board members began exchanging glances and whispering.

Board member Bruce Groff reportedly leaned over to another member of the board and asked, “Is he trying to tell us he has a big dick?”

Before the meeting was wrapped up, the board discussed their ideas for the new marketing campaign Columbia is planning to launch in order to increase student enrollment.

“For the campaign, I’m thinking we put ‘big dick energy’ everywhere. Slap it on the advertisements, make a couple promotional videos. Everybody needs to know Columbia has BDE,” Dr. Kim said. 

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