While Columbia may be in the heart of one of the largest cities in the country, the dating scene around here sure doesn’t feel like it’s all that varied. Odds are, if you’ve ever been out on the town, your date probably falls into one of these six types of guys you’ll date at Columbia.
6.) The fake feminist:
His twitter is full of retweets from powerful women and his “radical” stance that women are people, too. Plus, he took you out on a “real” date and didn’t pressure you into sex until like date three. Woo! It looks like you hit the jackpot. Until you find out he’s cheated on this last three girlfriends. Uh oh, what’s that? He also continues to work with another man known for sexually assaulting women on campus? Guess this one’s a dud. No matter–you don’t have to worry about calling things off since he’s already begun to ghost you.
5.) The veteran:
He’s a little older, and a little dangerous. How exciting! Until you realize his six years spent around all men sludging through mud has made him as emotionally-equipped for dating as your high school junior prom date was. Yikes. That luxurious beard is not making up for the lack of date etiquette, my dude.
4.) That one friend in class who’s too friendly:
You bonded in class over rolling your eyes at the same dumb comments and began hanging out between classes. Sure, you think he’s cute, but you’re pretty set on him being just a friend. He’s nice and fun but also believes that monogamy is doomed to fail. He asks you to hangout on the weekend, you arrive at his apartment to see the lights down low and a bottle of wine on the coffee table. Woopsies! This is not what you wanted and now everyone in class thinks you friend zoned him harder than Kim Possible friend-zoned Ron Stoppable.
3.) The guy who is way shorter than you thought:
You sat next to each other for the first five weeks of class, but he was somehow always there before you were. You agreed to join him at The South Loop Club for drinks after class, and your jaw dropped as you stood up to leave together and realized he’s at least four inches shorter than you. You win some, you lose a whole lot more.
2.) The guy who always smells like cigarettes:
Ooof! If there’s one smell that can get a Columbia girl’s panties soaked quicker than a slip n’ slide, it’s the lingering scent of stale cigarettes. Every girl in class flirts with him when they get paired up for group work–that is if he makes it to class this week. You’ll never really date him, but in your head you’re already sliding into third base.
1.) “The One”:
Could it be? A man who doesn’t just talk the talk, but also walks the walk. This is what romantic comedies starring Kate Hudson and Matthew McCanaughey are made of. Quite possibly the only real man on campus, he’s genuine, has nice teeth and loves his mom! Plus, he doesn’t have dreams of being ridiculously famous and has told you to your face that he wants to put time and effort into your relationship. Damn, if only we could fast forward and see if this one works out or if he dumps you at a coffee shop.
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