Ah, the Chicago Marathon. With thousands of participants coming out every year to run the 26.2 mile course, a great amount of training and preparation goes into this event. It’s no wonder that some athletes succumb to the one ill-fated running accident: shitting yourself while running a marathon. We interviewed five of these unlucky individuals.
5.) Maxwell Vaart:
Cause of pooping: Downing too much Starbucks.
One of the greatest mistakes a runner can make on the day of a big race is guzzling down lots of caffeine. This is exactly what novice runner Maxwell Vaart did, chugging three Starbucks lattes a mere hour before the race kicked off. Whether it was the caffeine or the sheer amount of milk in the lattes, Vaart unexpectedly released the chocolate hostages all over the race course before even hitting the first mile mark.
“It’s kind of ironic considering I was harping on everything that could possibly go wrong during the race, but pooping myself didn’t even cross my mind. Until, of course, I pooped myself,” Shartzer noted.
Shartzer made a dash for the port-a-potty soon after starting the race, and hid in there for the remainder of the marathon.
3.) Oliver Shartzer:
Cause of pooping: Overconsumption of bananas
Shartzer, a seasoned runner and pre-race pooping expert, was ashamed to admit defeat when he soiled himself in the middle of the race. Having run the Chicago marathon a number of times already, Shartzer was overconfident in his ability to squeeze in a pre-race poop before having to arrive at the start of the race.
“Normally, my routine includes eating a couple of bananas a few hours in advance so I can be sure to clear my system,” Shartzer said.
Unfortunately, Shartzer overdid it when he scarfed down a whopping six bananas only one hour before the race, resulting in his colon being evacuated when he was at mile 3. Ouch.
2.) Will Brown:
Cause of pooping: Mixed up his prophylactic with laxatives.
To avoid messing yourself in the middle of a race, many runners resort to antidiarrheal medicine. Brown was no exception: He purchased some over-the-counter prophylaxis and set it aside for race day. However, on the day of the marathon, Brown haphazardly confused his meds with the laxatives sitting in his medicine cabinet.
“It was rough, to say the least. I got the full-blown runs in the middle of the race. Like, everyone saw. Everyone,” Brown said.
“Turns out, spicy curry is not the move the night before you have to run a 26 mile race,” Butte said. “My butthole is still on fire.”
Butte was caught towards the end of the race, at mile 20, defecating all over the course.
“I would be lying if I said this is the first time something like this has happened during the Chicago marathon,” one of the station volunteers admitted. “Shitting yourself during a race like this is unbelievably common. These people are only human.”
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