During her 3:30 p.m. Biology of AIDS class, Columbia sophomore Stephanie Mills bravely trusted her self control and let what she thought would be a dainty lady fart. What she aimed to be a stealthy slip of gas, however, quickly turned disastrous.
“You could practically feel it in the air,” said Daphne Soukesian, Mills’s classmate. “I was ready to call the fire marshall.”
“The smell was immediate. It took over the entire room,” added classmate Drew Jaracz. “You would think a sterile science lab wouldn’t be able to hold onto a smell like that, but it did.”
Every student in class was far too distracted by the disgusting emission of stench that they completely forgot to fill out their follow along worksheet for the AIDS documentary they were watching.
“At first I couldn’t understand why all my students were giggling during the AIDS epidemic documentary,” added Arnold Schott, Mill’s teacher. “But now I get it. Stephanie’s got stank ass.”
“The sound itself lasted over five seconds,” Soukesian added. “I couldn’t believe it lasted longer than the death scene on screen.”
All the windows were opened in the classroom and AXE body spray was distributed to help dilute the stench. There wasn’t much that could save the student body from Stephanie’s horrible stench, though.
“Security usually doesn’t let us open the windows out of fear a student may jump, but I had to get that stench out,” Schott said. “I was ready to jump out the window, if I’m being honest.”
“If farts could give you AIDS, this one would have taken us all down,” Jaracz added.
Schott ended up pausing the movie and excusing everyone for a 15-minute break, giving the room time to air out. During the break, Mills ran outside to smoke a cigarette to disguise the scent.
“In my defense: I am on a very limited budget this semester,” cried Mills. “Nobody in this class knows what it’s like to survive exclusively on baked beans, pickled okra, and coffee for three weeks straight.”
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