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Vegan Mistakes Devil Dawgs Listing for Dog Walking Job

Karen Anderson, part-time student and full-time vegan from DePaul University, was looking forward to getting a steady summer job and raking in cash.

“As we all know, living in Chicago is expensive as hell. It was either get a summer job or sell overpriced questionable tabs of acid to naive middle schoolers.” said Anderson.

Searching online for jobs all over the city, Anderson eventually filled out an application for Devil Dawgs. Now if you remember, Karen Anderson is, in fact, a vegan. Being surrounded by various meats all day long seems off-brand for someone of that particular lifestyle.

“I see the words ‘Devil Dawgs’ on my laptop screen and I screeched.” Anderson continued. “I love dogs and making money by walking dogs has been pretty popular with all of my friends. I figured I would give it a try.”

That is true. Dog walking has been all the rage among college kids lately. There’s several apps to get work and each has a hip, funky name.

“I figured the word ‘devil’ was a charming way of saying I’d be walking slightly evil, yet loveable dogs with the tendency to bite or run away or have rabies or are fat. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before.” Anderson continued.

“However, when I arrived for my first day, it was nothing as I had pictured. Turns out, Devil Dawgs is not a dog walking app. It’s a stanky, overpriced hot dog place. I haven’t eaten meat in 22 years,” (Anderson is 21) “so breathing in those deathly odors on the first day was a bit traumatizing to say the least.”

“Girly’s weird as hell,” Anderson’s brief coworker Jimmy Johnson said. “She came in thinking this was a dog-walking business and I was like… the fuck. After she realized we were a fast food joint, I had to show her how to make the ‘dogs but she got really mad. Then she started frothing at the mouth and ‘placed a curse on me’ I don’t know what that means, but okay. Then she left as mysteriously as she arrived.”

After a full 32 minutes of hard labor, Karen Anderson had decided it was time to hang up the apron and retire from Devil Dawgs for all eternity.

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