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6 Ways to Establish Yourself as Top Dog at Columbia

It’s important at any school to establish dominance over the social status quo, but it is not always so easy to do so. It took the characters in High School Musical three entire movies to understand how to play God with their social status, but you’ll need these six strategies in order to come out as top dog at Columbia. 

6.) Always have a lighter on you:
There is no better way to meet new people on Columbia’s campus than offering a lighter at a moment’s notice. The more personalized and quirky the lighter, the better!

5.) Establish a specific look:
Having a look so that people will recognize you from across Michigan Avenue will keep you in the top social ranks here at Columbia. There are no limits to the looks you can create here in Chicago. Wanna be an Italian cowboy? A skinny white rapper? Go for it. Own it. Popularity is yours.

4.) Wear transition lenses:
Protect your eyes and pull in all the pussy you can imagine. Transition lenses show that you are economical and safety oriented, letting those around you know that they cannot take you down. 

3.) Smoke weed out of Mountain Dew cans:
Drugs alone won’t do much to help out your status on this city campus, but the way in which you do the drugs can catapult you right up to the top of the hot list. Using unconventional pieces like a Mountain Dew can helps to show that you are thrifty and crafty, two of the most used adjectives on this campus.

2.) Complain about the new Student Center:
It seems as though ever since the new Student Center has been proposed, it’s been a buzzworthy topic all around campus. The news around it has died down as students have realized there is no stopping it now, but if you’re one of the few who can continue to fight the fight, then you’ll be on everyone’s MySpace top friends list.

1.) Don’t actually attend Columbia:
The greatest and most undeniable way to establish yourself as worthy as Columbia student’s admiration is to not actually go to Columbia. Study psychology at DePaul but still know how to do improv? Hot. Want to be a social worker but perform at DIY scenes around the city on the weekends? Talk about soaking panties.

Know anyone at one of these schools? Refer a friend for a marketing job, get $100 if they’re hired!



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