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6 Ways to Completely Piss Off Any Cornell Student

A school as diverse as Cornell brings students from all over the world to share ideas and debate about what they disagree with. Although the diversity is something to brag about, any Cornell student will agree that these things will drive anyone whose blood bleeds Big Red very, very crazy.

6.) Ask “Is Cornell Even a Real Ivy?”: 
Sorry, can’t hear you over having the top hotel school, a highly-ranked engineering school, and students with the most muscular, toned calves. Cornell students will get instantly annoyed with this statement because it’s incorrect, and fueled by all of the other Ivies have way too much time on their hands due to grade inflation.

5.) Mention How Flat Your College Campus is:
If you’re a visitor from another college don’t mention how you get to ride a bike to class. Don’t mention how your freshman fifteen was from pizza bagels, as it should be, and not from packing on leg muscle that would rival the Hulk. Where do you think the term “Cornell calves” comes from?

4.) Construction:
The construction on Ag Quad is really unfortunate when it takes an extra three to four minutes to get to class. That time is precious when you waited until twenty minutes before lecture to take advantage of the free printing at the CCC. Let’s just all cross our fingers that they’re building a teleportation pad or a dining hall that takes meal swipes and doesn’t try to starve us by producing morally questionable food.

3.) Changing Gannett to Cornell Health:
New building who dis? Now that Cornell Health, formerly known as Gannett, got a fancy new building it also got a fancy new name. This is irritating to students who like stability on the names of health services in which they are given condoms like candy. To be fair, no one is actually going to refer to it as Cornell Health. Gannett will live on in our hearts and on the receipts from emergency visits for when that one mole didn’t look quite right.

2.) Misrepresentation in the Media:
Every TV network has a hit out on Cornell and frankly, it’s quite blatant. Cornelians are always painted in an unflattering light and that can frustrate Cornellians. Students in real life are much classier when subtlety name dropping Cornell into conversations than the most famous TV Cornellian, Andy Bernard. “I went to Cornell. Ever heard of it?” is truly what all Cornellians think in a majority of social situations, but they still pretend to be shy when asked about their education. 

1.) Midterms:
Using the word “midterms” is a gigantic faux pas on Cornell’s campus. We use the flashy word “prelim” to call what can only be described as “a midterm but with a cool new name.” If you use the word “midterm” on this campus don’t panic, simply crack a joke about state schools and float on your superiority complex for a good two minutes.

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