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7 Places on Cornell’s Campus to Lose Your Mind Before Prelim Season

Feeling down? Are you stressed that it feels like second semester just started but prelim season is already around the corner? Have you already broken your all-time record for most all-nighters pulled in a semester? Do you just need to mope, moan about how unfair it all is, or have a good cry? Here are the best seven spots on to do so on campus:

7.) McGraw Tower:
What better place to wallow in self pity than McGraw Tower? Enjoy the spectacular view as you contemplate how hopeless everything is and how it’s useless to try. Bonus: the sound of the chimes will completely hide your sobbing! If anyone asks you “what’s wrong?” just tell them that the Harry Potter theme song really got to you.

6.) Okenshields Dining Hall:
If you’re the kind of person who likes to feel bad about themselves while simultaneous chowing down, then head to Okenshields where eating your problems away is always on the menu with a side of judgment-free. 

5.) The woods:
Be consumed by your inner demons while surrounded by the quiet majesty of nature. Let the soothing sounds of running water calm you while you scream as loudly as you can. No one can hear you if you’re deep enough in.

4.) Fuertes Observatory:
Is there a better way to put the problems of your futile, pointless existence into perspective than looking up at the stars? Pop on over to the observatory, lay down on your back, and find solace in the fact that your existence is utterly meaningless.

3.) Outside in the rain:
Commiserate with nature. Walk outside in the unpredictable Ithaca weather and feel the rain and the clouds resonate in your soul. Shout “I understand your pain!” at the sky as you scream in agony and let nature cry with you.

2.) A small, dark closet:
Any random one will do. Go inside, shut the door behind you, and curl up in the fetal position. Pretend the outside world and–transitively–your problems, don’t exist. If someone knocks on the door, moan indistinctly until they go away.

1.) A professor’s office:
Find a professor who is currently having office hours. Talk to them about how you’ve been feeling bogged down lately and tell them it would mean a lot to you if they could lighten up on the homework. When they ask who you are and say they’re not your professor, loudly yell “you’re all the same,” and flee the office.

Although we’re only a few weeks into the new semester, Cornell students are already unable to cope with the depressing reality of everyday life and their own limitations. However, there’s an obvious solution to all this breakdown-inducing stress: just drop out of college. You’ll have a whole new set of problems but you won’t have to deal with these ones anymore.

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