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Cornell Frat Guy Excited To Explain Intricacies Of Bracket Selection To Every Woman He Meets

Following the release of the 2017 NCAA Tournament bracket, Cornell frat guy Ryan Shillroth is excited to share his bracket strategy with any female that will listen.

“See, I chose Duke over Troy in the first round, “ Shillroth said to Tina Melshire, his sometimes-fuck buddy, “because they’re ranked 2nd in their bracket, and Troy is 15th. And, you know, usually big upsets don’t happen in the first round.”

The last 12 hours have been busy for Shillroth, as he’d made a point to explain his selection process to any female that will listen.

“Mom, I dunno how else to say it,” a stressed Shillroth chirped into his cell phone, “Like, Oregon is pretty good and I don’t know where Iona even is, so like…I chose Oregon to win.”


Shillroth was late to his Monday morning lecture in Baker, as he stopped several times on the way to help women with his sage bracket wisdom.

“You gotta choose some upsets!” Shillroth noted to a pack of passing women donning sorority gear, “Like, always choose a 12-5 upset! It happens every year!”

Ryan is a little concerned that women are not taking him seriously.

“Girls always just choose a cute animal or some shit,” Shillroth scoffed, “they don’t even think about it! Like, I have UCLA winning because…well, it’s just a hunch, really. Wait—ah, shit, I forgot to tell those girls! Hey, women, come back here,” Shillroth screwmed, “I forgot to tell you something!”


WATCH: We hit the streets of Chicago’s St. Patty’s Day Parade to see how woke people were.


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