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Cornell Professors Compare Prelim Season GPA Kill Shots

Many Cornell professors will gather around Beebe Lake to share the riveting tales of how they “totally desecrated” their hopeful students’ grades during prelim season. This is a yearly tradition where they are free to share their trapping tactics of tricking students into thinking they will pass the prelim. They also discuss which prelims are low enough to deserve being mounted on their fridge.

“This first prelim season was a particularly good round for me,” exclaims a PHYS 1101 professor. “You can’t imagine the rush of watching helpless students try and learn, in a week, everything about the subject you have been studying for generations.”

Eager professors roast marshmallows and their students as they bring their most successful physical copies of “GPA killing prelims” to the event and all take turns holding it up triumphantly and taking pictures to post on Facebook.

“You want a prelim where the curve is set to around forty,” says one professor as she admires the 14/100 prelim in her hand. “That’s how you know that your class is difficult when it destroys the hearts and souls of some of the smartest students in the world.”

Professors bundle up in blankets and dream of having a severely curved class, but none can compare to the legend of  “Dr. My-curve-is-always-around-30,” the general chemistry professor. According to locals, whoever teaches this class has to dominate prelim season no matter the consequences.

“One could only dream of having consistent prelim seasons such as the CHEM 2070 professor,” cried another professor. “He doesn’t just get those GPA kills but also kills students’ will to be at Cornell for those attempting to become doctors. Truly an inspiration!”

The night of festivities usually ends with the professors howling at the moon and burning copies of their most successful prelims in the hope that those students will miserably fail the next round.

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