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Cornell Student Opts to Prolong February Break Forever

Shaun Angel-King ’20 spent break doing “absolutely fucking nothing.” He has reportedly forgotten about homework and the prelim he has this week. Having wisely decided that ignorance is bliss he continues to deny the existence of his classes opting instead to indefinitely prolong his Feb break.

When asked what he intends to do over this hiatus, he replied “What do you mean? Feb break is too short for me to go anywhere interesting, so I’m just staying here watching Netflix all day and night and playing Civ 5.” We asked him why, but he clearly misunderstood the question, answering “Why? Because Civ 5 is better than Civ 6 that’s why. They haven’t ironed out the game mechanics with that one yet.”

We caught up with his friends who seem unconcerned about his apparent apathy toward classes. “He’s in ILR, he doesn’t do anything but plan protests, so this is normal, we aren’t concerned. Maybe he’ll decide not to go to classes, but that isn’t going to affect his grade. If he was math or engineering or something like that, he’d be pretty screwed.”

“Even hotelies have left their cocktails and wines, crawled to class where they’ll immerse themselves again in cocktails and wines, but this time for education,” said Angel-King’s roommate. “He just believes that if he ignores the end of Feb break then Feb break will continue on.”

Despite all this, people cannot help but wonder whether Shaun has hit the jackpot for a happy life at college. Looks like it’s time everyone else extended their break indefinitely too.

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