Let’s be honest here for a second; idiots have way more fun than smart, sensible people, and most Cornell students are smart, sensible people. Just look at how bitter engineers are and how carefree the hotelies are. What’s the whole point of Halloween apart from pumpkins, frights, slutty costumes, and booze? Besides scary movies, candy, trick-or-treating and haunted houses–it’s to have fun! Here are five ways to enjoy this weekend’s Halloween parties by letting go of all common sense.
5.) Walk into a party without a costume, walk out with one:
There are many ways to go about doing this. We recommend being particularly obnoxious and ‘accidentally’ ripping bits and pieces off other people’s costumes and drape them over yourself. If you’re a little more adventurous, you can wear a plain white t-shirt and be annoying enough to instigate a fight and get kicked out of a party with some very real looking blood for your costume.
4.) Hide in dark places and leap out at freshmen on their way to parties:
If they aren’t already frightened to death of their prelims, it’s time for them to be frightened of you. Lurk near the Ithaca City Cemetery or haunt the shadows just beyond the traffic lights at crossings, scaring herds of freshman crossing over Thurston Avenue Bridge. When you get the police called on you, try and scare them too.
3.) Go berserk at the pregame:
There’s no better Halloween horror story for your friends than the prospect of looking after a trashed you for an entire night. So what if you tried to scramble into the gorge, lured by the will o’ the wisp light of the suspension bridge, or you were so excited for a Dos Amigos Taco–as only drunks can be–that you fell, picked up your dropped taco and ate it anyway. You can have fun while being the reason others can’t have fun.
2.) Wear a really obscure costume and act really offended when no one gets it:
Pick a movie no one’s seen or a video game no one’s played, and pick a character that’s far from relevant and go as that. Then when someone doesn’t get your costume, act as if they’ve gone against everything you’ve strived for in life.
1.) Take two costumes with you:
Try and fail to hit on someone, change your costume and try it again. When that doesn’t work, trade costumes with a friend and pretend not to know the person you just hit on. Watch yourself get shot down one time too many and go treat yourself to keystone–not the beer that your liver needs, but the one it deserves.
Now go out, let loose your inner fool and make embarrassing memories your friends will taunt you with for the rest of your life.